In Bethany Frankel’s book Business Is Personal, she says … Sometimes a red light is a green light. Sometimes saying no to something allows us to say yes to something else.
How many times have said yes or committed to something only to find out it takes more time and energy than your expected? When you compound this with other commitments, you end up stressed, burned out, resentful, and overwhelmed.
In this episode, I will share a simple way to get out of the habit of saying yes to everyone so that you have more time and less stress.
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Episode Summary with Timestamps
0:00 Sometimes a red light is a green light in sometimes saying no is allowing you to say yes to something else.
1:01 Why you have to say “no” to every email.
2:55 It’s important to know your limits and your boundaries so you can stay within them.
4:20 Remember that you already have automatic commitments every day.
5:58 Practicing “no” before you say yes.
Links Mentioned in This Episode
- Business is Personal – https://amzn.to/3FWTMf9
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Transcript of this Episode
In Bethenny Frankel’s book, businesses personnel, she says, sometimes a red light is a green light in sometimes saying no to something is allowing you to say yes to something else. How many times have you said yes, or committed to something, only to find out that it takes more time and energy than you actually expect it. When you compound this with other commitments, you end up stressed and burnt out, and maybe even a little resentful and overwhelmed. So today, I’m going to be sharing with you a simple way that you can get out of the habit of saying yes, and over committing yourself, so that you can have more time to do the things that you enjoy. Hey there, if you’re new to the podcast, my name is Tammy and I am a busy working mom, just like you. And I created this podcast for working moms who need help time management, and achieving their big goals without pulling their hair out. And today, we’re gonna get right into how we can say no more, and get out of over committing ourselves. So a few weeks ago, I got an email invitation to be a presenter at a virtual Summit. Initially, when I saw it, I was really, really excited because in the email, the individual who sent it said, like, Hey, I see that you are connected to these two individuals. And I know them, they’re really cool. And I think it’d be awesome too. And even though I was super flattered, and I was really tempted to say yes, I simply responded back saying this, Hey, thanks for reaching out for the invitation to speak at the summit. I’m thrilled that you thought to reach out to me, however, I have reached my limit on Summit style commit to this year and cannot participate. Now I do have a friend that I think would be a great fit. And I went on to explain who this friend is and how she could get in contact with them. So if you would have caught me about five years ago, I would have said yes to every single email that came through. But I’ve learned over time that sometimes you have to say no. And so I didn’t immediately say yes to this one. And it’s funny, because it took me a while to kind of craft that email, even though it was only a few sentences, because I was really having a hard time saying no, because I really wanted to say yes, but I knew I had too much going on. And I could not do the summit and do it. Well, if I was this a yes. So a few days later, the host of the summit responded back, Hey, Toni-Ann. First of all, I so admire you owning your schedule and your boundaries. In my mind, I’m thinking, I can’t really do this. Well, I can’t say yes to this, I need to say no. But I love that she brought that up, because it reminded me that I have gotten a lot better with my schedule, and having certain boundaries and limitations on myself. It’s important to know your limits and your boundaries so that you’re not saying yes all the time. And that you can actually say no, so that you can stay within those limits. So first thing is it’s okay to say no, because there will always be more opportunities. So the thing that I have found is that a lot of times we feel like, especially when we get these really awesome opportunities, we think this is the only opportunity will ever get that this type of opportunity, we’ll never be able to have another opportunity like this. But the thing is, is there’s so many opportunities in life in so many opportunities that will come to your door. So don’t feel like you have to say yes to every single great opportunity that comes your way. Definitely take some time sit and evaluate how this is going to cost you time and energy, how it can take away from your family, how it can take away from commitments that you already have, including work in our home. Because all of these things really play a part. So yeah, you can have a great opportunity. But if that great opportunity is causing more stress and strife in your life, is it really a great opportunity. So that is the first thing that I would say to consider is no that it’s okay to say no to some opportunities, because those aren’t the only ones. Next up. Remember that you already have automatic commitments every day. And you don’t want to underestimate the commitments that you are considering and adding more to your plate. So I call the automatic commitments, work your family and cared for your home. These are things that we just have to do. We can’t not go to work because we have to pay our bills. We can’t not take care of our kids because we love our kids. And we want to make sure they have what they need. And we can’t not take care of her house because if not, we would we wouldn’t be able to function well. So these automatic commitments just by themselves, already are taking up a big chunk of our time, and a big chunk of our day. So it’s working moms, we have these things already slotted for us. And we’ve got to get these three things happening every single day. Now, there are some things that are other commitments that you have. And those things are on an individual basis, and you know exactly what those things are. But these three things that I just mentioned, these are the automatic ones. So just remember that you have these things going on, before you decide to add more to your plate, whether it be committing to help with a big sell, coming to help with an event at church, or even just committing to help with getting your kid into a new after school program. Whatever it is, think about how the commitment is going to affect those three automatic things that you have every single day. The Lastly, I want you to practicing no before you say yes, there’s this funny thing because I was listening to another podcast. And the woman that was being interviewed, she said, You know, I have this friend, and she says no to everything. Anytime someone asks her something, she automatically says no. And one day she reached out to her friend was like, hey, like, Why do you always say no, like you say no to everything. And her friend responded back, it’s easier to say no to something, and then come back and say yes, then say yes. And have to say no. So for her, she says no to everything. And then she takes time to consider. If after considering it. She may come back and say yes. But this eliminates all the extra projects, all the extra task, and all the extra things that other people add to your plate. If you just simply say, No, you don’t want to overcome it. And especially start taking on other people’s problems and issues. And saying that you will be able to help when you have your own life that you have to live. And I know for me this was really hard because I really want to help people. I have a big heart just like you and I want to help others. And do you know what I absolutely can to help people out whenever they reach out to me. But the thing is, is you can’t help everybody. And you have to learn to say no, so that you don’t end up overextending over committing and adding too much to your plate. So that’s all I wanted to share in this episode. This one was a quick one. I hope that you got something out of it. Not necessarily something brand new, but a different perspective and a different way to think about things. Make sure you stay tuned for next week for another full episode. Take care and we will add to them
