My son throwing a tantrum has been the one thing that makes parenting a challenge for me. You’re probably like me, wondering how to handle tantrums.
I talked to my friend and childcare expert, Shauna, about how to diffuse tantrums from her experience with care for over 10,000 children over the years. She gave some really great advice that I have to go back and listen to on the extra challenging days.
Recently I was able to get advice from other moms who have either dealt with tantrums on a regular basis or are dealing with tantrums now.
Thankfully, these wonderful ladies let me get their best tips for dealing with tantrums. Now, I have to share them with you.
You want to be a happy mom and not turn into the monster mommy even with toddler meltdowns.
Between Shauna and the ladies mentioned below, you will have what you need to handle tantrums even on your worst day.
Tiffany | Saving Talents
It depends on the age! A tantrum with an 2 year old is different than a tantrum with a 4 year old.
But no matter the age, we tell our kids that it is OK and normal to have big feelings, like sorrow, anger or frustration.
But we don’t do it to/with other people. If they feel the need to scream to get it out (which even adults do!), then they go into their bedroom or an alone place and do it there.
When it is all out, we can talk about it. Toddlers get carried to their crib to do it alone until it stops.
Meagan | Meagan Robles-Harris
For the most part I try to get my toddler to tell me what is upsetting her so she gets used to communicating her feelings versus acting out.
And I get her to say mommy I’m mad because xyz. I tell her it’s ok to feel mad but we can’t hit/throw/whatever the unwanted behavior is.
I’ve been working on getting her to breath to calm down. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t.
Cristy | AlaskaMomLife
Hugs. Ask the child to go in a separate place to calm down. Then we have talks about what happened
Kimberli | Mommy N Me Inc
Prevention is worth everything.
The time’s she has tantrums is generally related to lack of sleep, too much sugar, hunger, over stimulation, etc. So I set her up for success and stick to a schedule.
The few times she does have a melt down, I moved to a different room and whisper…it throws her off and she usually follows and starts whispering back… then I have wine, a very large glass of wine.
Gessica | Catholic Mom Vibes
Even my 1.5 year old can have his fits of anger. I try my best to be attentive to what is actually going on, and in addition, talk very quietly and firmly to him, giving him only 2 options.
If he does not accept either choice, we move on. I do this with care and mercy, as you cannot be forceful and loud with a young child.
They will simply do what they see you do. If you respond in a fit of anger, they see you and replicate. Children learn what they see before what they hear.
Britney | Healthy Momhood
Make sure I’m calm, approach my toddler, use eye contact when dealing with tantrums.
B | This Little Blog of Mind
I first make a connection with my child (which may be as simple as a touch or eye contact).
Then I help guide them to a calmer state using a gentle tone and guided breathing.
Nicole | The Professional Mom Project
I do my best to prevent them. I know my son’s triggers and try to avoid allowing them to happen.
For example, he gets hangry at times so I know to always have a snack that he likes on hand. If I see that he’s acting up a bit I ask if he’s hungry, he usually says yes, has his snack and is back to his usual self.
Rachel | Rachel Maree – Write Freelancer For You
If I recognize the warning signs early enough I am usually able to diffuse my 3-year-olds tantrums with a favorite toy, walk/play outside or cuddles.
If I don’t see the signs and he hits meltdown point there are a few things I do. It depends on why/how he is having a tantrum:
- sit next to him and sing/talk quietly.
- wrap him up with my arms holding his arms down and close to his chest (not tightly, but enough to stop him flailing around).
- give him a safe space to let it all out.
Laura | Excuse The Mess
I handle a tantrum by trying to realize what caused the tantrum– ie. is my child hungry, tired, in a new setting?
Once I asset the situation, I can better help my child with his tantrum. Sometimes, I have to hold him and give him more hugs, at other times, he needs some time in the corner to cool down.
After he gets some time in the corner, I talk with him about what made him feel that way. I try to talk about feelings a lot and I stress “use your words” as much as possible.
Lauren | Honeycomb Moms
My baby is only 8 months old, and already he has taken to whining and crying when he doesn’t get his way.
I have his sleep and eating schedules down, so I can usually tell when the crying is less need related and more along the lines of a tantrum.
I ignore tantrums completely and don’t address his want until after he’s stops whining or crying.
Donna | @theupwardblip
I leave them be and ignore their tantrums. They just stop when they notice I am not buying it.
Amandela | Meet The Harris Family
In a perfect world, I would like to think my method of redirecting my toddler’s attention works every time. But, it doesn’t. As long as she is not hurting anyone or herself, I allow my daughter to have a tantrum.
Which basically means, I ignore her. I keep on doing what I need to do and if it involves her, I tell her what I need her to do.
I think children look to their parents to respond or entertain their tantrums. My child is learning that is not okay and such behaviors will not get attention
Liz | Blue and Hazel
With my 4-year-old, I get down eye level and tell him he is not allowed to do that and to control himself.
I don’t threaten to take away something far away (like a playdate the next day), but make him lose something immediately that he likes.
One of the best diffusers has been to put him in his room to calm down. He can come out when he gathers self-control and then I say “I’m so happy to see you now!” If a fit happens in a store with a younger kid, I just power through it and get home asap.
Cindy | Living For The Sunshine
If I can see a tantrum coming, I try to distract the child, but if it’s inevitable, I ignore it and let the child have the tantrum.
We talk about the issue after the child is calm again.
There’s not much point in trying to reason with a child who’s having a meltdown, but a discussion afterwards is important.
Bri | HippieDippieMom
I do what I can to prevent them by monitoring my child’s sugar intake, giving her body the nutrients it needs to function and support a healthy gut.
Most of the time, tantrums are caused by sugar addiction, lack of proper nutrients and poor gut health.
These make it so the child almost has no choice because their body isn’t able to function properly.
Jennifer | Mrs G Living Simple
We switch gears when ever possible. Often a soothing bath, cuddles and a nap or playing a silly made up game will help.
When something like that is not possible I tell her I know she is upset but when she calms down we will talk then.
At that point I ignore her. I also know what triggers her to have more tantrums. (being over tired is one) So I try to be sure she is well rested for her day.
Mary | mamarohrerspride
I quickly try to find something around me that they are interested in.
If you around a child enough you will notice when they are about to have a tantrum, stop it before it happens.
I hope you find these tips useful. Be sure to listen to the podcast episode with Shauna were she breaks down how to handle tantrums and prevent toddler meltdowns.
Let me know in the comments what has worked for you to handle tantrums.
Samantha, thanks! This is a very good point. Trying to diffuse a tantrum when you are rushing to get to work is a challenge. I talked to Shauna about how to handle tantrums because she has a wealth of knowledge and experience with child care. I will definitely bring this up and see if we can get you more answers on this particular topic.
I love these tips and do many of them. But, what do people do when you don’t really have the time (need to get to work/daycare) to go through a whole calm down process, etc. I’d love to hear some tips from people on how to balance the calm down processes with time management.
Thanks, Shatoria! I think that it is awesome that you are able to do that and get such positive results. I also think it is awesome that you are starting young so that you don’t have a 5-year-old with out of control tantrums. Ignoring does wonders with tantrums. But the hard part is remaining calm. I can ignore my little guys, but after about 40 minutes or more of going from calm to whining, something inside of me starts to twitch. Then I have to remind myself to count to 10. 🙂
Awesome tips!!!! My son just turned 14 months old and he’s already having mini meltdowns. My doctor told me to ignore them. He said to walk away or turn my back. So, I’ve been doing that and when he realizes that I’m not around or paying him any attention, he walks over to me and raises his arms for me to pick him up. I am always talking to him and letting him know that mommy is not happy with your behavior. I know that he cant articulate as well as a two or four-year-old but I feel like he understands. So those mini meltdowns that we were having about getting in either the car seat/stroller/high chair have reduced by 75%.
Thanks Robin! The ladies in this post really brought some great tips with them. I also enjoyed having new blogs to read too!
I love this post! So many useful ideas and I loved exploring other bloggers.
Thanks! I really appreciate it!
No problem. I honestly wanted to put together this post because of what I have been dealing with at home with 5 and 2 year old. I knew there has to be a way to deal with this and there has to be someone that can help me. You are not alone Natalie! 🙂
Thanks, Donna. You are very right. Tantrums are bound to happen. I used to think the person that I thought was a perfect mom didn’t have to deal with tantrums until I called her at the wrong time. LOL. Keeping our cool is the challenge, but when we do it makes dealing with tantrums so much easier. I am trying to acquire my dad’s superpower that he had when we were kids. He could completely tune out when my sisters and I were arguing and making lots of noise. His ignore button was amazing. You are right about the ignore button. 🙂
LOL @ THREEnager. That is a very challenging age. Yes. Give them a try. Good luck and thanks for stopping by!
Thanks, Sarah! Yes, these ladies have lots of helpful tips. Even though your kids are older I am sure that it will come in handy the next time your are faced with a toddler family member or friend throwing a tantrum. 🙂
Yes! Breathing is so important. I think it is awesome that you can get your little guy to focus on taking deep breaths. I have tried this with my 5-year-old and he just gets louder. LOL. I have learned to give him time to get it all out then come back and try talking calmly. I know that once he matures reminding him to focus on breathing will be beneficial. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks! I totally understand about being consistent. I struggle with that too. Ignoring works well if your nerves can handle it. 🙂
There are some really good advise for dealing with tantrums. My problem is being consistent. Lately I’ve been doing pretty well with ignoring.
Oh wow, that’s a lot of great advice! With my guy, I make him focus on taking deep breaths until he can calm down enough to tell me what’s going on. Then we can talk about what’s bothering him in a rational way. That usually gets us through it. Thanks for the great post.
These are such great tips Toni-Ann, I wish I’d had some of these when my youngest was a toddler!
Great advice! My THREEnager has some tantrums and we are learning the best ways to deal with it! All great tips to try! Thanks for the post.
I agree with everything written on here, Toni-Ann! As a mom, we just need to do everything to keep our kids well-fed, well-rested, and stimulated just right to keep tantrums to a minimum. It is inevitable because they are humans (though very little) too. We just have to try really hard to keep our cool and let them feel our love as much as possible. If the tantrum is triggered just because you took away the phone from him/her, that is a different story. Pressing the ignore button works wonders for that!?
Thanks for the great post! Tantrums have been a real problem in our house lately :/
Some awesome tips for moms struggling with toddlers!! Thank you!
I agree! Yes, there are some awesome mom bloggers featured here that I personally follow.
Hey Nicole! Of course, I had to share your contribution. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your insight. I really appreciate it!
Great mom advice from so many mommies! Found some new favorite mom blogs as well!
Hi Toni-Ann! These are great tips! Thanks so much for including mine as well. I’ll be sharing this across social media for sure.