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What if I told you that the reason why you can’t control your temper around your kids and are feeling burned out is that you need better home management?
You don’t need to learn how to discipline better or need new parenting strategies. You need to be a manager of your home.
What does it mean to be a manager of your home?
Check out the post below or listen to this episode with Ann about how to implement home management systems.
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Before starting her birthing practice, Ann was an engineer.
After having her second child she decided to do something different.
She decided to do something that she was passionate about. Ann became a birth doula.
This job was more accommodating for her life with two kids and allowed her to be more in control of her time.
Ann was a birth doula for eight years.
When her client’s babies grew up, they came back to Ann with questions about raising kids and dealing with the pressures of motherhood. Soon Ann started weaving in parenting work in her practice.
Now Ann helps moms discover how to raise great kids on their terms.
From time management to learning discipline techniques when kids are getting out of control, her coaching helps moms create the family energy and room to be themselves within their families.
What you’re missing that causes you to lose your temper
Through working with her clients, Ann has found a common theme of moms wanting to work on controlling their anger.
After questioning why they lost their temper.
And what did their child do that was so bad, many moms find that losing their temper with their kids has deeper-rooted problems.
This is a problem that is bigger than whatever it is that your kid did that set you off. Almost always, the real reason why we’re losing our temper on kids has nothing to do with them at all.
Ann’s parenting framework consists of three pillars: emotional, discipline, and home management.
Often the most neglected pillar is home management or systems for your home.
It’s really the nuts and bolts of how you run your family in your life. It can be anything from time management, delegating, making sure you’re not the one who’s doing all of the domestic duties, hiring a cleaning lady. It can be part of your systems piece.
Getting started with managing your home
Are you ready to get started managing your home so that you aren’t overwhelmed and feeling like you are doing everything yourself?
Here are some questions to ask yourself first:
- What’s your morning routine?
- What’s your bedtime ritual?
- What are the chores in your house?
- What’s the division of labor?
- What do you do versus what does your partner do?
- What is the task that you do or decided to outsource responsibility?
So many of us moms especially, we take on so much for ourselves, and that’s not managing, that’s just being a worker bee.
Instead of being a worker bee in your home, start being the manager.
If you think about your home is like I’m a business or something like that, the manager is not the one scrubbing the toliets. The manager is not the one picking up and vacuuming and all that stuff.
And sometimes that is our job, but it doesn’t have to be, we have something so much bigger. That is our mandate.
As a mother, you have so many things to do and so many responsibilities. Worrying about who is going to clean the toilets should be the least of your concerns.
Developing a mentality of managing your home versus working in your home is the first step.
But many moms feel guilt or shame about having someone come in to help with cleaning or other duties around the house.
Especially stay at home moms. Just because your job is to stay home and take care of the kids, doesn’t mean that you have to do everything around the house.
Having help doesn’t make you lazy. It makes you a manager.
And it wasn’t until I had that mindset shift and decided to step into my role as the manager of our family and home that I realized like a manager, it has bigger fish to fry.
Then these little menial tasks, if it has to be me, I’m totally fine to do it, but I’m not going to take on 100% of the load onto myself and then feel like a failure because I can’t handle it all.
Steps to having home management and systems for your family
Stepping into the role of manager of your home can be a significant shift.
Ann has a process to help you implement systems over time so that the purpose of a manager doesn’t seem so daunting.
The first step to stepping into the role of the manager is creating family routines.
Set up bedtime and wake up time
First, look at everything that needs to get done and look at how much time you have. You only have 24 hours in a day.
The solution isn’t to sleep less or start multitasking. The answer is creating systems and routines.
Here are a few questions to get started:
- How many hours of sleep do you want a night?
- What is your bedtime?
- What is your wake up time?
Answering these questions will allow you to see how much time you have during the day to get things done — also, your start and stop times for the routines that you will implement.
Ann likes to implement one thing at a time so that it’s not, overwhelming and you’re more than likely going to stick to your routine.
For one week, stick to your wake up time and bedtime.
Once you have consistently gone to bed and wake up at the same time for a week, start looking at ways to compartmentalize momming time versus nonmomming time.
So what times during the week or day are you going to have time to yourself?
Also, what times during the week or day are you going to be a mommy and give your kids your undivided attention?
Have your time split allows you to stop multitasking, which causes frustration, and ultimately you lose your temper on your kids.
Once you have divided your time, stick to that schedule for a week or two. Also, continue to keep your bedtime and waking time consistently.
Next, you want to add in when your mealtimes. What time will your family have breakfast, lunch, and dinner each day?
Decided what time you will have meals every day and stick to that routine.
Implement and sticking to meal times for a few weeks; then, you can fine-tune your morning and evening routines.
When it comes to household chores, Imagine like how much would you want?
How much of it do you want to be in charge of?
Most women are like usually say something that’s a lot less.
Take an assessment of what you are doing versus what everyone else is doing around the house.
Also, look and see if you are multitasking and taking more time than you should.
Once you create and implement these routines, you will respond to the stressors of life better because you have these rituals in place.
Give yourself time and grace to get these routines in place.
Ann walks her clients through this process and so much more during the six months coaching program.
Home management crossing over to your business
Just like you need systems in your home, you need systems and routines in your business and side hustle. It can’t be ignored.
Whatever’s affecting you at in your personal life is also what’s holding you back in your business.
Differentiate the time at home versus that time that you are doing other things around the house, the same applies to your business.
You have to first set your hours and know when you will be working.
Multitasking and trying to play with the kids while you send client emails is not the best. Define your working hours and stick to them.
Then know what you are doing during those working hours so that you are productive and can feel good about leaving work when working hours are over.
The culprit that kills your productivity
The single thing that will reduce your productivity around the house and in your business is multitasking.
Having uninterrupted time, even for an hour, to allow yourself to either clean up around the house or make moves in your business is a lot of time.
You can get a lot done if you are not multitasking.
But try to respond to emails with your kids on your lap pulling your hair and pushing the caps lock a million times.
It will take more than twice as long to get it done.
Quit multitasking. You’re not faster this way.
You’re just doing a bunch of stuff that in a more extended form with poor quality.
The sensation of overwhelm and feeling frazzled is tied to multitasking.
You always have the sensation that there’s some emergency just right outside your peripheral vision that you need to be paying attention to.
Even if the two things we’re multitasking are making dinner and helping our kid with their homework, neither of which are emergencies, but they feel like they are when you’re doing them at the same time.
So instead of doing two or more things at a time, focus on one thing at a time.
Problems with getting away from your kids
One thing that Ann makes clear is it’s not her job to tell a mom how she should parent.
You should parent on your terms. If you want to spend all of your time with your kids, that is perfectly fine.
If that’s nourishing and fulfilling to you and you don’t feel like you need anything in addition to that, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
However, if you need time away from your kids to grow your business or side hustle, but you want to spend all of your time with your kids, we need to ask more profound questions.
Do you want to be with your kids 24-7?
Or do you feel like you are supposed to be with your kids 24-7?
These are two completely different things.
The things that our children want and need from us aren’t always the same things that we want and need for ourselves.
And we often think, well, if I want or need something for myself, that’s different than what my child wants or needs. The solution is to just deny the things that I want or need.
But the truth is that when you have an emotional or even biological need, you can’t just deny it. It won’t go away.
The most significant objections to the conversation about you need time away from your child, whether you’re working or not, is financial.
Many times it’s because a baby sitter is not in the budget.
Or there’s resentment towards your partner because they won’t support you with taking care of the kids.
Maybe it’s mom guilt that makes you feel like you shouldn’t want to be away from your kids.
That’s an emotional reason that you’ve created it in your mind. And that doesn’t mean that it’s not a real reason.
The things that we create in our minds are the only real things to us.
First, you have to make up your mind that you have options.
Ann quickly gave several ways to overcome the financial reason why you don’t take time away from your kids.
But if you don’t believe that it’s not possible, you will never see that it is until we work on whatever’s the emotional block that’s keeping you from realizing that whatever it is that you need or want is possible for you.
If you want to connect with Ann, check out her website.
Also, get in her Facebook group, Real Life Momming, to get more help on home management and so much more.
Don’t forget to get the free guide, Getting Kids to Listen the First Time We Ask.
Links mentioned in this episode
- FREE guide – Getting Kids to Listen the First Time We Ask
- Facebook group – Real Life Momming
- Ann’s website – Mom-Me Experience
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Great post! Really insightful
I completely agree with ALL of this! I have 2 toddlers and when I feel like our house and lives are out of control I get so overwhelmed
You are not alone Nicole. I am still working on this. We have a lot to juggle as moms.