Happy New Year! This year, do yourself a favor and overcome mom guilt have. Mom guilt doesn’t have any place in your life.
Mom guilt is something that I don’t want to hinder you. Or block you or to prevent you from doing the things that you really, truly love and desire to do. Especially going into 2019.
Mom guilt is something that all moms experience. At some time or another we have felt it. It’s just some of us react to it differently.
Mom guilt is just like fear and shame. It’s one of those feelings that is gonna come, but the true test it all depends on how you deal with it.
Now, mom, guilt can start from something as simple as you feel bad about having to leave to go to work and leaving the kids at daycare.
Mom guilt can also come from spending time doing something you truly enjoy, whether it’s working out or going to hang out with friends for a few hours.
Unfortunately, mom guilt doesn’t go away completely. However, there are ways that you can overcome mom guilt so that you don’t let the feeling take over. Or worst, make you feel like you’re not a good mom.
One thing that I have found not only for myself but for other moms that help with combating mom guilt is remembering why. Remember why you are doing what you’re doing.
For instance, going back to the example of you having to leave your baby at daycare while you go to work. Remembering why is it reminding yourself I’m going to work to provide for my family
Remembering why helps you to focus on the real reason so that you see guilt has no place. Then you will be able to be rational and say “Hey, guilt. No. You’re not going to ruin my day.”
Now, speaking from experience, I have had a hard time with mom guilt because I always felt like whenever I wanted to do something for myself, it was almost as if I didn’t deserve it. Or my child comes first and what I want doesn’t matter.
But you have to remember to take care of yourself. And that’s one thing that took me a long time to understand.
You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of everyone else. If you are unhappy or unfulfilled, then you won’t be able to truly raise awesome kids who turn into amazing adults.
So remember this when you want to take time to work out or go spend time doing your favorite hobby. It’s okay to have some mommy time.
Don’t feel guilty about that because you need it on a daily basis. Self-care is necessary not only for you to be a happy mom but also for you to be able to give your kids what they need.
Remember, the flight attendant always says during the presentation, put your oxygen mask on before assisting others.
Definitely make sure that you take care of yourself before you take care of the rest of the family. And don’t feel bad about it.
So when mom, guilt starts to creep in, remember why.
Invite grace in
So my next tip is to give yourself grace. This thing called motherhood is hard. It is beautiful and wonderful, but it can be hard at times and it gets even more challenging when you’re juggling many hats.
Like being a CEO, a manager, a housekeeper, a wife, a coach, and any other roles that you have in your life. It gets really hard to juggle everything and sometimes you forget things. Or you can’t do anything.
So for instance, my son had many events going on right before Christmas break at school. My head was spinning trying to keep up with everything from school, work, home and on the blog.
I had a hard time remembering my personal deadlines and I did my best to keep everything in the calendar, but I forgot the one day that the kids could wear pajamas to school!
I felt terrible because I remember looking at the paper the night before and thinking that I needed to remind my husband. I beat myself up about it a little bit.
And then I was like, look, you got a lot going on. It’s okay if he doesn’t wear pajamas this one day.
I want you to give yourself grace for those times when you forget or things don’t go the way that you planned. Like when you plan this awesome birthday party and it just turned out completely opposite of what you had intended for it. Give yourself some grace.
It is okay, and one thing I constantly am trying to remind myself is that there is no perfect mom out there.
Even though you may see what appears to be perfect moms on social media or on television. I promise you there is no perfect mom. Even the perfect moms have bad days too. So it’s okay.
Ask yourself this …
Now, next time when you’re put in a situation where you have to make a decision about something and you feel the mom guilt trying to creep in, ask yourself two questions. The first question is, will I regret this later?
For instance, if you say yes to helping with the school fundraiser, are you going to regret it next week? You know you are only going to be more agitated and overwhelmed by adding yet another task to the to-do list.
So it may be a good idea to pass on volunteering with the fundraiser this time.
The next question is, is this really important? Now what I mean is this something that is a dire emergency or something that needs to be done right now?
For example, there was a leak in the roof and the kids are running around in the room where there’s a leak. That’s important. If the kids slip and fall, then it’s going to lead to some major problems.
Now your child that’s wanting to play Barbie with you on the other hand, yes, it’s important. But can it wait? Yes. So this one is not really important right now.
So ask yourself these two questions to help put things into perspective and to also to help you to prioritize things so that you know what’s most important and what to focus on at that moment.
Now, I’m sure you can remember many times when someone has asked you to do something in regards to the kids and you said yes and you ended up beating yourself up about it later. Thinking that, oh my goodness, if I don’t say yes, then I’m not going to be a good mom.
It is okay to say no. And there are other ways of saying no without saying no. Try saying:
- Not right now
- Maybe later
- I’ll get back to you
The next time you are putting a situation where you have to answer a question and mom guilt is trying to rear its ugly head, ask yourself will I regret this later and is this really important?
Let it go
So my last tip is to do like Elsa and let it go.
Sometimes you just have to let go and know that you’ve done your best and that is enough. We are all human beings raising little human beings, so mistakes will happen. And that’s okay.
No matter what. You’re still an awesome mom even when the mom guilt kicks in.
Now mom guilt is a real thing and I am not denying that, but you don’t have to let mom guilt take over or ruin your day.
Remember to put your mind in the right perspective by asking yourself why to remind yourself that you are doing the best that you can for your kids. Then if you’re ever put in a situation, ask yourself of two questions: will I regret this later and is this really important?
Doing this will help you not only put things into perspective but will help you to prioritize and help to overcome mom guilt.
Now remember, you are an awesome mom.
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