You look at her and start to compare yourself. You compare the way she dresses, how she parents her kids, and how much money you think she has.
Comparing yourself to other moms is a sure way to reduce your confidence, motivation, and self-esteem.
It’s a sure way to make you feel like you are not enough, frustrated, or have false confidence.
Even though it’s natural and everyone does it, that doesn’t mean that it’s okay.
You’ll find your confidence taking a hit and jealousy starting her rise.
And you may think that a downward comparison is not as bad. Meaning that you’re comparing yourself to someone less fortunate.
This type of comparison breeds mean spirited competitiveness.
Plus, using someone else’s misfortune or failures to make yourself feel better or adequate is not the way you want to build yourself up.
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The dangers of comparing yourself to other moms
Several challenges occur when you compare yourself to other moms.
Let’s look at the dangers of comparison.
Everyone has a different starting point.
So the first one is is that we have to understand that everyone has a different starting point.
Just because you learn how to do something like your friend doesn’t mean that you should be doing it as well as your friend.
For instance, I see my friend, who has a blog and wants to start a blog. But little do I know my friend’s been doing this for ten years.
And I just started a year or two ago. So comparing myself to my friend is a waste of time because she has more time in than I do.
Or maybe you might be interested in photography for Instagram and want to take those Insta worthy photos, but all you have is your iPhone.
And you look at your friend is using the best DSLR camera and have extensive training in photography.
You can’t compare your progress to someone else’s pace, especially when they have a different starting point than you.
You can’t compare progress results or success unless the starting point is the same.
And they never are.
Everyone has a different level of talent
You can’t compare yourself to someone or anyone just because they have the same starting point as you because there’s always this exceptional level of skill.
Some people are born just naturally with a higher IQ or with excellent hand-eye coordination.
So it’s easy for your friend to make decorations for an epic birth party like the ones that we see on Pinterest, even though she just started a few months ago.
Some people have a natural knack for music or math.
And that’s what makes them unique and different.
The resources available to you are different
Like there are different levels of talent, there are also various resources available to every person.
For instance, you wanted to play the violin, and your father is super wealthy and a concert violinist.
You have a massive advantage over someone who’s born into a financially challenged family who has no experience in music.
So just having more resources changes at the playing field.
It makes the comparison unfair.
We tend to compare ourselves to the best in the world
Then also we tend to compare ourselves to the best in the world.
There’s always someone better than you. And it is not fair to compare yourself to someone who is the best in the world at a particular thing.
Often, we don’t want to compare ourselves to the average person.
We always want to compare ourselves to whoever is best.
And this comparison can make you feel inadequate.
There are only a handful of people that can make a reasonable claim to being the best at anything.
There are nearly eight billion people in the world. That’s a lot of people you have to surpass to be the best.
Another person’s perfection is an illusion
How many times have you walked up to someone who you think has it all together and ask them, “How’s it going?”
And she says, “Oh my goodness, my kids are driving me crazy. You won’t believe my 12-year-old is still wetting the bed. And my husband acts like I don’t exist. And if I laugh too hard, I’ll pee on myself. And on top of that, my boss is making me feel like I’m a complete failure at work.”
Little Mrs. Perfect never says that.
The typical answer is, “Everything’s great.” Or, “Oh, it’s fine.” That’s what you usually hear.
And some studies show that people are less likely to show their negative emotions.
Plus, people tend to overestimate the positive that’s going on in other people’s lives and fail to detect the negative emotions in others.
So it’s going to be easy for you to see little Mrs. Perfect and think that everything is great in her life.
But fail to see those things that I mentioned that she was going on in her life.
On top of that, moms are good at hiding the not so good parts of their life from you.
So next time you want to start to compare yourself, stop, and ask yourself if you have all the information.
We compare to the highlight reel
How many times have we looked at someone on social media or TV and thought that they just have it going on?
Everything’s all put together, and they look beautiful all the time, and everything’s just coming together for them.
But we don’t see what is going on behind the scenes.
We don’t see the struggle. We don’t know the heartache. We don’t see the tears that they cry.
So remember that the next time you start to feel that comparison rising.
“The reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” – Steven Furtick
The solution comparing yourself to other moms
Comparing yourself to others doesn’t provide any useful information and only makes you feel worse.
You’re only going to upset yourself when you start comparing.
There’s little to gain and too much risk. Now you’re aware that you’re comparing yourself and the dangers of comparison.
Instead of comparing yourself to other moms, you can try these things instead.
So first of all, instead of comparing yourself to other moms, try practicing gratitude.
Being grateful allows us to see the good things in our own life.
And it takes the focus off of others and emphasizes what we already have.
Because I guarantee you if you take just a few minutes, you’ll find something to be grateful for.
Now you may be going through a rough time in your life, and it may take little more time to figure out what you’re grateful for, but I’m sure you will find something.
By being in a state of gratitude, the focus comes off of everybody else and allows us to see that we have a lot of really great things going on in our own lives.
Compare yourself to yourself
Start comparing yourself to yourself, not to anyone else.
You want to pay attention to your progress over time and notice your improvement.
And see how you’re progressing, but also know where you’re heading so that you have a reason to be excited.
As a result, you will strive to become better each day.
So every day you want to make yourself better and better and better.
Many times you won’t see if the progress initially because the steps you are making are so little. But over time, the cumulative actions will result in growth.
Limit your exposure to social media.
OMG. I love social media.
I think it is excellent for connecting people, and I’m so grateful for it because I wouldn’t be able to communicate with some people otherwise.
But social media has a downfall if we’re not using it correctly.
It can be used as a way of showing off.
And rarely do we ever get the real story of what’s going on in someone’s life.
So what you get is someone’s best attempt to make their life look better than what it is.
So be cautious with social media.
And remember that most people are reporting to be happier than what they indeed are when they’re removed from social media.
You may need to unfollow, unfriend, or mute moms that you find yourself constantly comparing yourself to on social media.
Trust me. You will be a lot better off.
Use the success of others is an inspiration
I know so many times I’ll see other ladies doing things, especially with their new businesses.
And I’ll think to myself, “Man, if they can do it, I know I can do it too.”
Using other’s success as inspiration is so much better than using it to compare yourself.
The success of others can be useful to you. You can study how they became so successful.
Their success can inspire you to become the best you can be. Just avoid comparing your progress to theirs.
Get clear on your goals and values
Now, you want to get clear on your goals and values.
So instead of comparing yourself to someone else and the things that they do that you don’t even care about, get clear on what you truly value.
Get clear on what your priorities are and what’s most important to you.
Ask yourself these questions if you need clarity:
- What is most important to me?
- What kind of mom do I want to be?
- How do I want to be remembered?
Now, I get it. Comparing yourself to other moms happens.
I’ve been there, done that.
But making comparisons can be detrimental to your confidence and your self-esteem.
So instead, compare your current version of yourself to the version of yourself from three months ago.
That’s a fair comparison to make.
Plus, it becomes easier to see your progress or lack of progress and where you need to head.
Remember to set some goals and spend some time each day working on those goals. You’ll see that you’re happy with the progress that you’ve made.
“There will never be anyone exactly like you. You are given special gifts and talents to with the world, and even though everybody has special gifts and talents, nobody will use their talents quite the same that you will.” -Jen Sincero
You are an awesome mom. And you have unique gifts and talents that nobody else has.
Links mentioned in this episode
- Podcast the talked about habits: Online Marketing Made Easy – Episode 295: How to Create Atomic Habits with James Clear
- Jen Sincero – Your Are a Badass
02:37 – Mommy Win – from my son
04:19 – My story with comparison
09:39 – Dangers of comparison
18:03 – Solutions to comparing ourselves
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Featured Mom Win
This week’s mom win comes from my son.
If you want to share your mommy win and be featured on the podcast, go to Instagram and follow me @realhappymom. Then go to the DMs and say, hey. Press and hold the microphone button on the lower right-hand side of the screen, then tell me your name, IG handle, tell us what you do and how you are winning. Anything big or small is welcome, we want to celebrate with you.
“Awesome Call” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License