Let’s be honest, being a mom is a lot of fun. But there are some times when it is very challenging. And you may even struggle with the feeling like you are not a good mom and you’re missing your kids up. But the truth is, you’re awesome. And you are not messing your kids up.
I brought my friend Sherri to have this conversation about a couple of things. First, what can we do to relieve the pressure off ourselves of trying to be a really awesome mom and raising amazing kids?
Then we talk a little bit about picking battles with our kids and what things should we really focus on when it comes to raising our kids. Sherri shares some things can she let go of and allowed her kids to do, but didn’t necessarily agree with them.
And she shares a lot of her life experiences because she now has three grown men that she has raised that are all married and have their own kids.
My hope is that this episode is really going to encourage you.
Sheri Miter is a visionary strategist who loves helping women discover their God-giving calling and turn that calling into a business! She’s the host of the Uncharted Entrepreneurs podcast where she helps high achievers navigate a freedom-driven business & life. As a wife, mom, and gramma Sheri’s philosophy is “Life is Short, enjoy the Journey”!
- Blog/Website: https://www.sherimiterco.com/
- Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/sheri.miter
- Facebook Group: https://bit.ly/UnchartedEntrepreneursCommunity
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sherimiter/
- Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/sherimiter
- Freebie offer: 10 questions to help you begin the first step in creating a Freedom Driven Life! https://bit.ly/questionsforfreedomdrivenlife
- Blog/Website: https://www.sherimiterco.com/
- Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/sheri.miter
- Podcast: UNCHARTED ENTREPRENEURS
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Transcript of this episode
Real Happy Mom 0:02
Hey there, I’m Tony and I have an overwhelming passion to help moms navigate motherhood. Without the Okolloh, I went from struggling with motherhood and losing my identity, to being productive and living out my version of being a happy mom. On the Real Happy Mom podcast, I interview real moms and experts to help you navigate raising children, self care, time management, and so much more. So if you’re ready to get rid of the overwhelm, and start being a Real Happy Mom, join me inside the Real Happy Mom podcast. Hey there, and welcome back to another episode of the Real Happy Mom podcast, I am so happy to have you back again. Now, let me tell you this episode is for you. If you are a young mom, mom of teenagers or a mom that just need some encouragement to know that, you’ll get through this, because I will be honest, being a mom has some really great days. But there are some times when it is very challenging, and you feel like you are not a good mom, and you’re missing your kids up. But the truth is, is that you are awesome. And you are not messing your kids up. So I brought my friend or an A Sherry to have this conversation about a couple of things. One in particular, you know, what can we do to relieve the pressure of ourselves of trying to be a really awesome mom and raising amazing kids? Then we talk a little bit about picking battles with our kids like, what things should we really focus on when it comes to raising our kids? And what things can we let go and just allow our kids to just do their thing and express themselves. And she shares a lot of her life experiences because she now has three grown men that she has raised. And they are all married, had their own kids and families. And so she definitely can speak to a lot of this. So this episode is really going to help you encourage you. So let’s go ahead and jump on into this episode with Sherry.
Real Happy Mom 2:06
All right, welcome to the podcast. Sherry.
Thank you for having me. I’m so excited that we’re doing this.
Real Happy Mom 2:12
Yes, yes, I am really excited to talk to you just because I know that you have a message that is going to help us, in particular help younger moms, because I know a lot of times, we feel like we don’t know what we’re doing. And I know you’re gonna give us the encouragement and the words that we need to get through this. Now, before we jump into our actual topic, I just wanted you to share a little bit about you and what
you do. Alright, awesome. And so I’ve been married for over 35 years. So I’ve been a wife to my best friend for all that time. Not always, you know, it’s not always easy, but it’s it’s fun. And the the longer we go, the better it gets. I just want to throw that out there too. And I’m a mom of three boys, which I always say there is a special place in heaven for those of us with boys. And I’m so proud of the young men they are today. They’re all almost all of them are in their 30s My youngest will hit his 30s this year, which is crazy. And they’re all now married to awesome women. My oldest it took him three times to get it right. But he’s got it right now. And I’m a grandma to three adorable girls and one crazy little boy. as a hobby, we love sailing anything outdoors being active. And as a business woman, I am a vision and strategy coach, and I help women, mostly women, I work with guys to discover, rediscover or discover their superpowers and use them to create a business that gives them fulfillment, joy and lifestyle freedom.
Real Happy Mom 3:45
Awesome. I love all of that. And I love how you grew up there that you know, all the boys are married now and they all you know are doing well. And that’s one thing I think we don’t think about when we have young kids especially as a young mom, we worry about Oh Are we gonna mess our kids up and we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be these awesome moms to raise these amazing human beings but it could be so much easier. So I want you to share with us what you think we should really be focusing on when it comes to raising awesome kids.
First of all know that you’re gonna make mistakes. It’s gonna happen. We all make mistakes, but you know, looking back and thinking about it. I think if we, if we do everything with the right motive and coming from a place of love for our kids and they know that then I think the mistakes are okay because they are going to happen so take that pressure off yourself that you’re going to be this perfect mom, there is no perfect mom. There’s no perfect way to raise our kids. And I heard this once and I have taken this idea into all aspects of my life but about having like the I call it the relationship bank account. Which means as long as most of the time when you are dealing with your kids or your spouse or whoever, it’s a positive feeling, it’s a positive experience. They’re feeling the love in a positive way, that when we slip up, we make those mistakes, we withdraw from the bank account. Because like, yeah, I probably shouldn’t have said that, or I probably shouldn’t have screamed at my kids. You know, we all have those moments, that as long as the bank account is more positive than negative, it’s, it’s all going to be okay. So that concept has helped me tremendously with raising my kids.
Real Happy Mom 5:41
Yes, I’m loving that too, because I’m seeing it now. Even just thinking about my own kids who are now eight and four at the time. And I know if I was just telling you like, this week is just been rough. I like literally on Tuesday, I was leaving the office, and I was like, bye guys have a good weekend. They’re like, no, like, you got to come to work tomorrow. And I went home. And like, I know, I haven’t been showing up the way that I should for my kids just because it’s been so rough. But I see now how having those more positive experiences and definitely is outweighing me in my not so great week. So I love that that really makes me feel a lot better.
Yeah. And another thing I found too, is sometimes that what we think our kids need from us isn’t what they want from us. And I think that my middle son played he was a really great baseball player, like that was his passion. And when you get into that season of kids playing sports, that baseball’s like the worst, because there were games almost every night of the week, when they get into the baseball season. And as a mom, I always had that guilt of like, Oh my gosh, I got to show up and be at every game. But it was exhausting. And you know, I had, if I wasn’t there, I had guilt and all this. And finally I sat down and talked with him. And he’s like, Mom, I don’t care if you’re at every game, like just show up for a couple and I’m good. And it was just like just having that conversation with them, of what do they need. And I think even when our kids are little, we can still have that conversation. It’s like, what do you want from mommy today. And it may be they want you to sit down and watch a cartoon show with them, or to color for five minutes or to play a game for 1015 minutes. And then they’re good, they have their positive bank account for the day. And we can relieve that guilt. So that’s something else that I think helps a lot is just ask, what do they really want from us?
Real Happy Mom 7:33
Yeah, no, that’s so true. Because a lot of times I like forget, like my kids. They’re very articulate and can let me know exactly what they’re feeling exactly what they want. Because my four year old just went off on me yesterday and told me that I’m making him so angry because I don’t listen to him. So I have to remind myself, like they can tell me what they want. And you are so right, a lot of times the things that they want are like, so like simple and easy. I’m just I really that’s it, you just want me to take you to target. That’s it. Okay, we can do that really bad. So I love that one too. Definitely making it easier, and just asking and talking to them, because they will tell you for sure. But another thing I wanted to touch on too, Sherry is about picking your battles. And that’s one thing that I learned from you is that not every battle is meant to be fought when it comes with our kids. And I just wanted you to share a little bit of what that looked like for you when you had bigger kids and teenagers. Because I know, I’m gonna just put it out there. I know what my son like. I am like, really, into letting my son be creative and expressing himself but my husband not so much. Because like the other day, I went to the store and I bought some like the blue like hairspray that like washes out. And so I thought it’d be cool just because it’s his favorite color. And I brought it home. My husband’s like you’re not putting that in his hair. And I was just like, Oh, well, I thought they would be nice to just let them do it. But again, which battles should we pick, especially when it comes to our kids and them expressing themselves and try new things and things like that?
Right? Well, it’s funny with the hair because I think we shared I shared this story with you before that. Our oldest son, he expressed itself through music, and his hair. And when he was a preteen teenager, he would dye his hair all different colors, and he had the Mohawk and it was so crazy like it like even today he looks at pictures. It’s like oh my god, that was so ridiculous. But I knew he was otherwise a good kid. He wasn’t doing drugs. He wasn’t you know, totally misbehaving in school or doing any of that it was just he was expressing himself through his hair and his music. Did I like it? No, I hated the hair. And I remember our none at church or even my husband he didn’t like like the hair either. The non church was like, can’t you make him cut his hair? It’s like, yeah, I could. But if he can’t express himself through his hair, how is he going to choose to express himself As a teenager, so we chose to finally just let him have his hair. And he grew out of it, he grew out of the phase. So I think, you know, it’s really having those knowing ahead of time. And it is because sometimes parents, we look at things in a different way, because my husband definitely had a much lower tolerance for things than I did. So there’s that communication with your, your significant other to or the other parent and figuring out what, what are the boundaries, like, what is it that you will definitely not tolerate, and you can’t step across this boundary. And if it, if it’s not over that boundary, then let them have their expression, let them do the weird stuff. Let them just find their way. The other thing too, is I’m huge on what I call nurture the nature. And I feel like whatever our kids tendency is, whatever they’re naturally drawn to do, whether it’s like my oldest it was music, my middle son, it was sports, baseball, skateboarding, snowboarding, our youngest it was football. You know, I see it in my grandkids. Now my, one of my granddaughters loves to dance. And I said to her parents, like, you need to make sure she gets some dance lessons, let her dance as long as she wants to. Another granddaughter loves to color she needs her time just to sit and color. And she does. She’s very artistic. So when you can just let them express through what they’re naturally good at. and encourage that, then I think, even if it’s not your thing, because sometimes it may not be our thing. So we want to kind of try to steer them into our thing. But nurture that nature, what they’re already good at and let them express themselves. Even if we don’t understand it. That’s going to help them so much in life as a whole. And it takes a lot of stress and anxiety off of us to we just kind of let it go.
Real Happy Mom 12:04
Again. No, definitely because I’m even thinking about it too. I know. It sounds silly, but my son is like, really obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog right now. And he my sister bought him this Sonic the Hedgehog, like kind of like onesy thing. And it had like the spikes on the hair. So I had a hoodie with the spikes. And he wore that thing all the time. Like you’d go to a grocery store, go to school, and I was just like, dude, can you please take that thing? Oh, we loved it. And then finally, like I was like, you know, stop being embarrassed, like, let him just do him. And then when it got to the point like he started growing so much because he had a really huge growth spurt. And like it got too tight for him and it was like super high waters. So instead of it coming down to his ankles, it was at his shins. So he stopped wearing it. I was like, Okay, good, like we’re done. But like you said, like, I had to kind of stop and just let him express himself and let him just kind of figure it out. Now he’s not really into it as much anymore. And the other thing too, that you brought up as well is that sometimes it’s not our thing but we try to kind of steer them to be kind of like us but our kids are their own like they’re an individual themselves so we have to allow them to be that and I think a lot of times we forget like okay like they’re not gonna like you know like baking in you know crafts like me maybe they’re gonna like you know, like music and and coloring and things like that. So I like that you brought that up too.
Yeah. And listening to your story with your son with the hedgehog outfit. So our youngest son he used to whatever sport he was, he was really into all sports but whatever sport he was playing and this is he was probably four or five. He would go in and and put on like it was probably Halloween costume or pajama party same thing like your Sonic outfit. And he would have to go in and put that outfit on. So if you if they were playing baseball on the yard he would come in and put his little baseball jersey on if they were playing football he put his football jersey on and so many times or one night actually going in and putting him to bed and I think he had five shirts on like he just kept coming in and putting on the different outfit but he never took the other one off. And then I remember he had got I don’t remember if it was football it may have been a hockey. I think it was a I think it was a Mighty Ducks. It was a Mighty Ducks hockey like pajama costume thing. And we were out visiting my parents in Kansas and we had to fly home. And Jacob wanted to wear the Mighty Ducks outfit on the airplane and my husband was mortified and I finally said to him is like we have a long flight. And if the one thing that’s gonna keep him happy is wearing a Mighty Ducks pajama costume on the airplane. He is gonna wear the Mighty Ducks pajama costume on the airplane. Again, it’s picking the battles that like we’re embarrassed by them. But if another parent sees that they get it like as other moms, and that’s something else too, I would say is when you see a child in target or in the store, wearing their costume, give that mom the knowing I gotcha. I understand this. You’re doing good luck. affirm them. Because we sometimes we think everybody who everybody thinking we’re such a bad parent, cuz I let my kid wear pajamas in the store. But we’re not.
Real Happy Mom 15:32
Yeah, no, definitely. Cuz I know, like, the days that I was just like, kind of like, oh, sign, like, take that thing off. Those are the times people be like, Oh, my goodness, that’s so cool. Where did you get it? I’m like, really? Do not encourage it. I totally get it. And that Yeah, a lot of times people will, you know, give us a high five or given that knowing encouragement look. So yes, I definitely love that. And another thing too, Sherry, that I just wanted you to touch on, is you brought up with another conversation that we had about letting our kids grow through things. And that kind of goes with what we’re talking about as far as like me letting my son grow through this Sonic the Hedgehog phase. But I’m just wondering, what are some of the things that you told yourself? Or told your husband when it comes to letting your kids grow through things? And not, you know, stifling them or, or preventing them from having that creative expression?
Yeah, well, I’m not gonna lie. I mean, when you’re going through it, it’s hard. It really is. And looking back, I definitely wish I had more patience with some of them. But I think now I see that, and it all goes back to the first thing I said, that if everything we do is met with love, and we’re doing the best we can with what we have. And in the time we’re in, because like you said, toniann, that sometimes we’re in a period where we have high stress, so we’re not going to show up as our best parent. But if most of the time we’re doing the best we can we keep that bank account positive. The kids are going to find their way. And you know, we nurture that nature, we let them kind of express themselves, let them experiment with things. I mean, obviously not with drugs and the things that are harmful to them, but find their way. And it’s it’s hard. Like, it’s tough. I remember her middle son, he was not a good student. I mean, we thought he was going to live in our basement forever and be a skateboarder and snowboarder and, you know, live on mom and dad the rest of his life. It was a struggle when he was in school. And once he figured out what his thing was, and what interests him, he excels now and what he does, like he’s doing so once he found his groove, so trust that they are going to find their way. And it may take longer than we want. But if we just keep nurturing that nature, loving them, letting them know that we believe in them, and encourage them. And some people might disagree with this. But sometimes we got to not worry about what society even the schools, like school was stressful for my middle son, it was horrible. And he didn’t do well, because he wasn’t interested in what they were teaching him. But once he got out of school, and he found his way, and he found his thing, like, he’s doing amazingly well. And now he teaches and he studies and he he does these programs. I’m like, Who is this? Who is this kid? Where did he come from? So there is hope. And, you know, the other thing too, is we just got to say a lot of prayers, a lot of prayers as parents, for sure.
Real Happy Mom 18:44
Yeah, for sure on that one. Because I’ll be honest with you, I think I’m more of the lacs co parent, and my husband is a little bit more tight and you know, kind of follow the rules and restricting all that kind of stuff. And it’s funny because like, I’m going through the same thing with my oldest where he is not doing the greatest in school, but I see myself in him a lot and how he’s handling school, just because I didn’t have it easy in school as well. And so like my husband’s like, all worried and stressed down, like, ah, he has to do well. And I’m like, he’ll figure it out. Like he’ll get it eventually. And so he like my little one will tell me like, oh Mommy, I’m gonna be an engineer and I’m gonna make all these things and I’m like, okay, son, like do your thing. You know, like, I want to see it like, do it for sure. But I think a lot of times, like even just looking at my husband like he’s putting so much stress on like he has to do well and I’m like, it’s okay like eventually he’s a lightbulb is gonna go off because I will not lie to you. Like I struggled through elementary school and literally in sixth grade I’ll never forget, I was just sitting in class and literally a light bulb just went off and everything started to make sense. Like all the math problems, all of the stuff in English and everything. So I went from Almost the, like, remedial classes to going to the advanced classes like, like, overnight, because it literally just started to make sense. And so that’s why I tell my husband like is gonna click to him. Eventually I just have to take my time with him and not stress him out too in the process.
Right, right. And it may not click for him until he’s way out of school that was revised. I remember his senior year. I got to the point that is like Jeremy, just just graduate, like, I don’t even care if you do well, like just get out of school, because I knew once he was out of school, and out of that pressure of performing the way the school wanted him to perform, he would figure it out. I knew he was smart. He just wasn’t interested in what they were teaching him. And he didn’t really have good guidance there either. So yeah, I think especially for boys, I feel like a lot of times they don’t even blossom, they don’t hit their peak and tell. Figure out their thing until 20s, which is really scary as a parent to watch that. But
Real Happy Mom 20:57
yeah, you just made me cry a little bit, because?
Real Happy Mom 21:05
Yeah, but I definitely see what you’re saying. But it does. It does take a while sometimes, and it may even take into like you said they’re out of school. But yeah, wait it out.
Yeah, it’s like I said, our middle son, it took, I think he was 25 before he figured out his thing. But once he figured it out, there’s no stopping him. You know, there’s no stopping him now, which is amazing to watch. And the way they go back to that nurture the nature you’re saying your son’s interested in engineer, so there’s that example, I would be buying him Legos, I don’t even know if they make Tinker toys anymore. Like anything having to do with building or whatever type of engineering He’s like, steer them towards that let him build let them do that thing. Or let him give him something he can take apart and put back together whatever that you know, I know the engineering minds. There’s different ways but that’s I mean, with the nurture that nature to is give them that those experiences.
Real Happy Mom 21:57
Yes, absolutely. For sure. I will do that. Now. Very you given us the encouragement, I feel you give me the encouragement I need to move on, especially as a young mom. But I was just wondering if there’s any motivational quote or words of encouragement, first Real Happy Mom before we signed off?
Absolutely. The one thing to remember is that, you know, and it’s a cliche, I think, but this too shall pass. And that every stage we’re in with our kids, there are joyful moments. And there are hard moments, you know, when they’re an infant and not sleeping, but they’re so cute. And God allayed to the toddler stage. And they’re funny, but yet they throw a temper tantrum in the grocery store, you know, in teenagers, where they become you can have intelligent conversations, but then you can also have screaming matches, you know. And then when they get to be young adults, it’s so fun. Like, that’s another thing, too, I didn’t mentioned before, but for those moms that are in the teenage years, a little bit of hope here is that when when they turn like 2021, you do get smart again. So I want to give you that. So if you’re in your teenage, if your child’s in your teenage years, and you’re they think you’re stupid, you do get smart when they turn 21 or 20. So there’s hope for that. But every stage does have those challenges. But every stage also has the beautiful moments of it. And when we can just learn to be present in the stage that we’re in with our kids, and embrace the good and know that you’re gonna get through the tough times. And again, if you keep that positive love bank account going, you’re not gonna mess up your kids. love them unconditionally, and you’re all gonna get through every season every stage of life with your children. And it’s so fun. It’s so rewarding. Now to watch them become you know, the, the young man they’re supposed to be and watch them have their own kids. And you know, our whole thing is we need to set our we set our kids out, we do our best and we then we set them free to fly.
Real Happy Mom 24:08
Okay, yes, no, definitely. I am loving all of that. Now Sherry, where can we find you if we want to connect with you learn more about you or even just get involved in some of the things that you have going on.
So I do have my own podcast, the Uncharted entrepreneurs podcast, and in that I share a lot of a lot of entrepreneurial but there’s a lot of life stuff in there too. So I think even if you’re not an entrepreneur or doesn’t you know, whatever age I think there’s some things people can glean from there. I’m sharing mitre so sh e ri MIT er on Facebook, Instagram, you can find me there. And my website sharing mitre co.com.
Real Happy Mom 24:50
Yes, and I will make sure to include all of those links in the show notes. Sherry, thank you again for coming on. This has been awesome.
You are welcome and I do hope it gave a little Hope do the young parents going through things?
Real Happy Mom 25:03
Yes, it did. Thank you. You’re welcome. Now that does it for this episode of the Real Happy Mom podcast to find the links in Show Notes for this episode go to Real Happy Mom comm slash podcast. There you’ll find a lot of really great information on things that we have discussed in the past as well as this episode. So definitely go over there and check it out. And if you found this podcast episode helpful let me know by leaving me a rating and review on Apple podcasts. This helps me out more than you know and gets the word out to other moms. But if you’re like Tony and I don’t listen to your podcast on Apple podcast, that is totally fine. Do me a favor screenshot you listening to this and put it in your Insta stories or your Facebook stories and tag me at Real Happy Mom so that I know that you’re listening to your love in this episode. Now that doesn’t take care and I will see you next week for another full episode. Take care and lots of love.