Do you ever feel like you start the day well and then sometimes your energy gets so low that it’s hard to get anything done before 5 pm? This has not to do with you being lazy or incapable of being productive. It has everything to do with your natural energy levels. There is a way to align your task and get more done each day by aligning with your natural energy levels.
If you’re ready to start getting in alignment with your energy levels so that you can get more done, this episode is for you.
In this episode we talked about:
- Peaks and crashes when it comes to our energy
- How we can start to align our tasks with these peaks and crashes of energy
- Ways that we can manipulate these peaks and crashes in our lives
- What to do when your energy crashed but you still have things to get done
Check out these practical steps for you to follow so that you can begin to feel like you’re more in alignment with your energy levels.
Kimberly Walton is a marriage strategist that specializes in helping women create stronger marriages via the INLOVE method which uses a whole-person approach. Her INLOVE method includes investing in self-care, nurturing your circle, taking a solution-focused approach to problems, and much more. Kimberly is the author of the relationship book Words to Love By: Elemental Building Blocks of A Wildly Successful Marriage.
Connect with Kimberly
Website: Cherished Wives
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/CherishedWives/
Words to Love by IG: https://www.instagram.com/_wordstoloveby_/
Kimberly’s newly released relationship book titled Words to Love By is available on Amazon as an eBook. Paperback is on pre-order with a ship date of May 25th. Book website is https://wordstolovebybook.com
- Episode 44
- Book – Words to Love By – wordstolovebybook.com
- Worksheet – Maximize Your Time
- Website: Cherished Wives
- Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/CherishedWives/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mskimberlywalton
- Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/CherishedWives/
This episode is sponsored by Cozy Earth. Experience the luxury with Cozy Earth and get 40% by using the code REALHAPPYMOM40 at realhappymom.com/cozy
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Transcript of this episode
Toni-Ann Mayembe 0:00
Do you ever feel like you start the day off super well, and then somewhere in the afternoon or maybe in the evening time, you just run out of energy? Do you feel like you are just struggling to push and well your way through the rest of the day? And that to do lists just stares back at you with no crosses or checkmarks? Whichever you like. And you’re just thinking, how am I going to get things done? Well, let me tell you, you are not alone. And the thing is, there is a way for you to get more out of your day. But it’s by aligning your energy levels with your task in your day. So in this episode, you’re going to learn how to do just that. My guest is going to walk us through how we can learn our different energy levels so that we can maximize our day, and also how we can manipulate things, especially when those peaks and valleys of energy. come and go. We can work our way around those peaks and valleys so that we can get more done. So if you are wanting to learn how to do just that this episode is for you. So let’s jump on it. You are listening to the real happy mom podcast, the weekly podcast for busy working moms to get inspiration, encouragement and practical tips for this journey, calm motherhood. My name is Tony and you are listening to Episode 182. All right, on the podcast, we have a returning guest. We have Miss Kimberly back. So welcome to the podcast.
Kimberly Walton 1:31
Yay. So happy to be back.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 1:33
Yes, yes. So if you are listening, you’re like, What do you mean, she was on a podcast? Let me tell you. Actually, I think I told you this, how you were kind of the inspiration behind what got me started with real happy mom. So before real happy mom podcast, I was real happy mom blog. And there was an article that was carefully about about self care, and the different cups of self care. And that kind of gave me some inspiration to talk about some different things regarding self care. And I use that kind of as like, kind of like a pillar of some of the topics that I talked about initially on the blog and eventually turned into the podcast. So Miss Conway is huge inspiration to me, and I love everything she does. And I’m super excited that you accept the invitation to come back. So thank you. Thank you.
Kimberly Walton 2:20
Oh, thank you for having me back. I’m happy to be here. I like being a return guests. I feel like we’re we’re besties now or something.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 2:27
Yes, yes, yes. No, as someone is listening, and they have never heard of you before, can you just share a little bit about you and what you do?
Kimberly Walton 2:34
Sure. So I’m a marriage mentor, I like to jokingly call myself a marriage strategist, because we work a lot with strategy. And I work with women and couples to help them create really stronger and more fulfilling marriages. And I mean, who doesn’t want that? I’m in private practice. And I also lead retreats and small groups. And I focus on self care as well as working on relationships, because that’s part of working on relationships is making sure your self care is in line, I especially really enjoy working and helping with people. So that they can take a whole person approach. That’s why I do focus on some of the self care. And anybody that’s in like a struggling marriage, it’s it just is nice to come alongside them and work with them, and help them get to a better point where they understand each other. And so that’s, that’s my, that’s my thing, helping people with their struggling marriages.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 3:33
And yes, in, you do a phenomenal job of that. I just wanted to throw that out there. But I know today we are talking about something a little bit different. And we’re really kind of going to jump into how we can get more out of our day by understanding and aligning our natural energy levels with our tasks. So before we even get into all of the wonderful goodness that I know we’re gonna jump into, like, let’s just start off like, what is it with these energy levels in in? What do you mean by aligning yourself with your energy levels?
Kimberly Walton 4:07
Yeah, so Well, let me just say, first of all, I am like one of the busiest people around I have so much crammed into my day, so much on my plate, and, and then during COVID, my husband and I wrote a book. And it’s like, I’m just super busy. And there’s no way I could get everything done. If I didn’t go with my natural energy levels and get them aligned. And what that means is, you look at your natural tendencies for I have more energy at this time of the day or less energy at this time of the day. And you look at your tasks, and you align them, because when they’re not in alignment, you don’t get as much done, you’re more frustrated, you’re more bored, you’re more irritated, and you’re not as productive. So my philosophy is we want to align those things and it requires a little bit of effort and tracking in the beginning. And then it also helps you to understand why you might be cranky at certain times, or I even had a client recently, she was working on moving her child’s naptime so that she could get more out of her day, not understanding that it was an issue with her energy. So I’m not talking like Oh, energy and crystals or anything like that, if that’s your thing, fine. But this is more about understanding your natural highs and lows, what I call peaks and crashes in the day, and how to get those in alignment so that you can get more out of your day and your your life, I guess,
Toni-Ann Mayembe 5:31
ya know, and you brought up something there when you talk about peaks and crashes. Because I know in the morning time for me, that’s when things are picking up. And then usually around afternoon ish around like two o’clock is when it starts to come down. And then definitely by the evening time, it has crashed to the floor like we’re done. So I know a lot of times we can, if we sit back and think about it, we can see like, okay, like, when I have the most energy, definitely you can be morning or afternoon or even evening. But is there a way that you could even change that like, or is that something that’s kind of set in stone?
Kimberly Walton 6:09
Well, you can. But there are some ways that people do work to change. And there’s even what I call false peaks and false crashes. But first of all, let me just acknowledge my crash time in the afternoons is three o’clock. And I know that so you have a crash at two o’clock. So obviously, at two o’clock in the afternoon, you don’t want to be doing anything super difficult, challenging, like, Hey, I just got done doing my taxes a few days ago, I was not doing those during my crash time. You know? So you want to take the things that? Are you want to look at your energy levels by let’s How about we do this? Why don’t we start with how we figure out when our highs and our lows are? And then we’ll talk about if we can manipulate them? Yeah, let’s do okay. So your peaks in your crash times, here’s what typically happens. kind of imagine like a rolling wave going up and down, up and down. So you’ve got like a crest and a trough, or a peak and a crash. And roughly, these are going to be when you get to your trough or your crest, when you’re at your peak or your crash time, they’re really about a good solid 3530 to 45 minutes. And then on each side of that you’re either ramping up, or you’re ramping down. So you’ve got a good two and a half hours in each peak and each crash. So they go through this wave throughout your day. And what we want to do is we want to look at those and we want to assess those so that we can start aligning them. So what I’d have my clients do, first of all, is I say, pick a typical week, okay, and it’s got to be typical, because otherwise your information is going to be all messy. So pick a typical week in your life, and then just get like a piece of like binder paper or something. And for every hour of the day, even the ones that you’re not awake every hour of the day, you’re gonna give yourself a rating of what was my energy level from a one is really low to a seven, which is high. And if you’re asleep, just put an X in there is what I tell my clients. And then what you’re going to do is after a week of that, you’re going to look at your patterns, you’re going to see oh, wow, at two o’clock in the afternoon, I’m giving myself a two. And sometimes there’ll be you know, you’ll have like an anomaly like, wow, I was really low this day, well, maybe I didn’t sleep well or something like that. So you’re looking for when your natural patterns are. And sometimes students, students, clients will want to do this more than once, they’ll even do it with the seasonal change, because seasonal change and timezone changes and things like that will also impact this. So most people are going to have to have those peaks and two of those crashes flanked on each side by about an hour ramping up or an hour ramping down. That’s the first thing we do is we got to figure out when those are, then what we do is we’re gonna make a list of your most common tasks and things that you do. I encourage people to come up with at least 25 things. And these are things at work and at home. And they could be something as simple as grocery shopping, you know, Bill, paying laundry, getting your car service, yard work, whatever. Or maybe it’s things you do at work, there’s meetings you have or whatever it is for you. What are your common things you’re doing, then each one of those 25 things? You’re going to assess those you’re going to say, What did those require of me? Do they require me to be at a seven? Do they require me to be at a three what do they require? And why? Because sometimes the Y can be changed. So it doesn’t require that amount. But like, you know, people say don’t go grocery shopping when you’re hungry. Well don’t go when you’re crashing either. Because that doesn’t work. Right. So that’s one of the things we’re going to also look at is understanding that Okay, so are we good so far? Yeah, yeah,
Toni-Ann Mayembe 9:53
I’m okay all of it. So,
Kimberly Walton 9:55
so shoot for 25 things and I do this a lot with my clients because again, I’m all about men. marriages, and a whole person approach. And one of the problems I have with clients all the time is they come in and they feel there’s a mixed match. It’s like, well, I’m doing more the chores, and I’m doing more of this. And I’m doing more of that. And so we look at what their energy levels are, we look at when are they peaking? When are they crashing? Because that helps us to get to a point of we’re sharing chores more equally, and things like that, which would be a whole good topic for us to cover another time. Right? Because that’s, that’s, I mean, seriously, that is a common common issue. So if anybody listening is feeling that, trust me in solidarity, it is something that everybody is dealing with. Okay. So what we do then is, once we have those things, we look at what our schedule is, am I trying to do something that requires me to be at a six, when I’m crashing? Well, that doesn’t work that makes it harder, you more frustrated, it’s harder to calculate, it’s harder to think, and those things, right? Like when in the afternoon, two o’clock, when you say you’re kind of coming down, you’re probably not the best person to be making real big life decisions at that time. Right? You’re like, I don’t know about processing everything. I can’t think Wait, what did I just say? So we want to look at these things, and we want to start aligning them. Okay. Now, part two of that assessing is that when we’re looking at these tasks, we’ve got to give them that rank, right of one to seven. And then we really have to start rearranging our schedule to try when we can to accommodate the things that require a five, six or seven, we are doing those when we are in a peak time. Now here’s one of those tricks. First of all, this is not multitasking people, I am not telling you to multitask, because that doesn’t necessarily work for some people, we have to think about a task that’s going to require a lot of us, we want to start that task when we are ramping up to that peak. So as we are fully in that peak, as we’re ramping up to it, we’re going to be in a position where we’re like, Yeah, I’m on a roll, I’m getting this, I’m getting this, I’m doing this good. And then we’re not starting that task, that difficult task, we’ve got our 30 minute window, and then we’re trying to finish it on the downslope that doesn’t work, you got to get into it on the upslope. As you’re going up to your peak time. That’s why we’re looking at the schedule to see. So you might be at a six at 10 o’clock in the morning. And at nine o’clock in the morning, you’re at a four. So you want to start something that’s going to require a five, six or seven, at at nine o’clock when you’re ramping up. So you’re gonna feel like you’re getting that momentum. Does that make sense?
Toni-Ann Mayembe 12:46
Oh, yeah, definitely. I’m over here taking notes, zoom. Okay, I can implement this here. Once we get off this call,
Kimberly Walton 12:52
what can we do? Well, and that’s why I said like, I recently had a client who was slowly moving their child’s naptime because the child was waking up when the mom was crashing, and you know, waking up children, they’re a little fussy, and they’re cranky, and they’re, they’re high, they’re still kind of tired. And they’re, you know, it can not be the best time of that child today. Some children, it’s like, Hey, I wake up, and I’m good, and I’m happy. And for others, it’s not. And so the child was waking up when she was like crashing, she’s like, I need a nap. I’m like, let’s just do like a slightly move their nap time. So when they’re napping, you’re crashing, and you’re starting to come back up when they’re waking up. And she was like, afterwards, she’s like, hallelujah, she goes, who knew? And I’m like I did. So those kinds of things can make a difference. So you’ve got to get those as much as you can. And I know, sometimes you can’t, I know, you’ve got like a boss who’s got to peak time at 8am, you get into work, you’re like, I don’t peak till 10, I’m kind of still in my crash. There are things you can do at work. And even difficult conversations, if you’ve got to have a difficult conversation with somebody that you know, or love or whatever, don’t do that, when you’re at a crash time, don’t you know, just like we say, Don’t do it when you’re hungry. The same thing is true with your energy levels. And so we really want to be wise about the choices we’re making, based on our natural tendencies that are going to say, Hey, I’m ready to go right now. Or I kind of need a nap, you know. So that’s the second, that’s the second thing you’re doing, you’re gonna assess those things. And then the third part really is you’re where you’re aligning them. And you’re understanding that I want to shoot to match things that are going to require more of me and less of me so that I am not getting bored, I’m not getting frustrated, I’m able to accomplish things a lot quicker. And you’re you’re feeling more empowered, you’re feeling more successful. And those are all really good things. Right. So that’s the basics that we that I go over with my clients. So any questions on that so far before we You talk about if you can manipulate your peak times and crush times.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 15:02
Yeah, yeah, you started to give some examples of certain things that, you know, you would want to make sure that you align at proper times. So I just wanted to go through a couple more just so that if anyone is still questioning, okay, like, when should I do this? When should I do that. So, for instance, I told you like, at the end of the day, like I’m done, I don’t really want to like, I really don’t want to talk to anybody, but I kind of have to, because I have a family. But what does help is like doing like, like tidying up and some chores, just some like mindless tasks, like things that don’t require me to, like, really think, like, something I can just like do and it helps me to kind of like unwind a little bit. So like, tidying up is one of those things that I do that helps me to kind of relax a little bit, and also makes my house look nice. Because, you know, with two young kids, it gets a little messy sometimes, as it should, but um, you know, having those conversations like with my husband, I know, you know, he hasn’t seen me all day, and he wants to talk like, you know, when would you say would be a better time, like, if I want to talk about something that really bothered me, especially like at work? Of course, like in the day I told you, it’s not the greatest. So should I possibly call him in the middle of the day or wait to the next day? What would you suggest so that we can align that so that the conversation goes a lot better?
Kimberly Walton 16:20
Yeah, well, first of all, I want to applaud you and say that I think tidying up your house and stuff at night, when you are at a crash time, gives you a sense of accomplishment, but it doesn’t require much of you. And that’s that’s perfect alignment. That is I would recommend that I’d say okay, this gives you a sense of, I get to still accomplish something. And then when you wake up in the morning, you’re not waking up to feeling like oh my gosh, I’ve got to do this. So that is good alignment, because that tidying up doesn’t require a lot of mental activity. It’s just moving through the motions, and you can go slower or faster. So I think that that in itself is you’re already doing it right. Now the conversation with your husband. What I would say is I’m not knowing your schedule, like for weekends and certain days, I would say whenever you have a peak time, depending on if it’s a difficult conversation, and knowing his peak and crash times because you don’t want to be on peak and you’re crashing, that’s not going to go well. I would probably not do difficult conversations at night with you. I would say just don’t. I mean, if it’s an emergency, obviously do it. But I would say save it for the weekend when you are not working at all. And you’re like, Hey, honey, I’m it’s noon, or it’s 10. And I’m let’s can we lunch? Can we sit down and have a coffee, tea lunch? And can we talk about this topic. And I would save it for a day when you can meet your peak time or both of you are not crashing, neither of you are crashing. So So I probably wouldn’t do them in the evening, I wouldn’t recommend them. If you were my client, I’d say don’t have the tough conversations, no daily at work. If you if that works for you not knowing what he does for a living. I would say if you can do that, but I am really cautious with my clients, any conversation that could potentially be misconstrued. I say have live, don’t text it, don’t email it. Don’t, don’t do it when they’re distracted, maybe when they’re at work, because you don’t want to revisit it and you don’t want to feel like you didn’t get heard. So I would save it for a day when you’re both home and there. And maybe the kids, you know can be playing for a little bit somewhere else. And you’re both peeking.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 18:34
Yeah, that is some really good advice about not having those conversations on the phone, have it live. So I’m glad you threw that one out. But that was really good and really helpful too. Because, like I said, I know there’s certain tasks that we can do kind of mindlessly like it doesn’t require too much effort. But there’s some other tasks that really do require, you know, some quite a bit of energy, some mental effort, and things of that sort. So that was helpful to see, you know, where we can better play certain tasks throughout our date or our week, so that we can accomplish things better. So I’m feeling pretty good about what you got so far. So I know you showed us those three steps. And we’re gonna move into how we can change things up a little bit as far as our piano crash times.
Kimberly Walton 19:21
Yeah. So you know, first of all, it’s, it’s one of those things that you don’t want to do quickly. It’s, you know, you don’t want to shock to your system, but a lot of us do that. So I don’t know. Are you a cat? Are you a coffee drinker?
Toni-Ann Mayembe 19:34
You know what? I am trying to lay off with the coffee. I’m trying to do better. I’m trying I have like, what every other day so I’m not
Kimberly Walton 19:41
drinking. I’m not. Okay, I’m not my husband can drink coffee all day. He can drink coffee at night and I’m like, really? I don’t drink coffee. If I do have coffee, like hey, I could do a little cup. I’m like it. The caffeine just messes me up. So we do have things that we can do to manipulate our peaks and crashes. And I have some of them that I call false peaks and false crashes. Capping gives you a false peak. And you’ve got to be careful with that. Because when you start doing that, it messes up your system. And so I do know people who are like, Man, I have to have my coffee in the morning. My aunt is like that. She’s like, don’t talk to me before I’ve had my coffee. I’m like, Well, that’s because you’re waking up in a crash, but okay, I get it. And so yes, there are things you can do that are false. And then there’s things you can do to slowly move and adjust. So let me just talk about the false peaks and crashes for a second. A number of years ago, I was noticing that I was finding around lunchtime, that I was like, afterwards like exhausted, you know, people say sometimes they have Chinese food, and they need to take a nap afterwards, because of the MSG. I was feeling like that. And I’m like, Oh, my goodness, why am I right now crashing? I should not be crashing, what is going on? And so I for a couple of days, I noticed that was happening. I’m like, am I getting sick? What’s happening? And I realized after some investigation that I was eating some chips with my lunch, and the chips had something in them some wonderful flavor that my taste buds loved. But the rest of my body did not. And it was making me afterwards like just kind of have like a almost like a sugar crash. And so I had to lay off those because a time where I should be ramping up. My body was like, yeah, no, you gave me something. And no, now you’ve messed up the whole routine. And so sometimes, we will use coffee or food or if we’re crashing, and we’re like, Oh, I’ve got no energy. I feel like I’m crashing, we’re prone to overeating, not realizing that we just need to chill and let our body go through this crash time. And then we’ll ramp up in a couple hours. So it’ll be okay. Don’t rush to the chocolate. And, um, or some people rush to chocolate. Maybe Are you a chocolate lover? Yes, you are. Okay, so chocolate coffee would be ideal. So you’ve got to really look at those so that you’re not like, Oh, I’m tired, I need energy. No, your body’s just gone through it’s it’s low time, let it ramp back up. Don’t rush to the chocolate, don’t rush to the food to give you energy. Especially if you’re going to use food to give you energy, that’s not going to give you energy. Because if you do the chocolate or you do some of these things, afterwards, you’re going to be crashing on the other side. So you’re actually like counter acting, what your body’s naturally trying to do. So those are some of the false things you want to really be careful of, because then it will mess up when you should be peaking and crashing. And then you’re like, Wait, I don’t know, what am I picking? What am I crushing? Because food will will mess that up? Okay. So that’s one of the things I want to mention. Before we talk about can I change these? So do you have any examples? Or can you remember a time where maybe you ate something? And afterwards you’re like, I’m exhausted, but I shouldn’t be exhausted right now. Oh, yeah.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 22:53
So we have potlucks at our work once a month. And I banned Italian, the potlucks because of all those cars like literally I kid you not everyone look like they were like in a food coma. And we’re like, passed out like including me. So yes, certain foods. Yes. I do know, like, can definitely send us into sleeping mode or in that crash mode that you’re talking about? So yes, yes. Like
Kimberly Walton 23:21
the Thanksgiving thing. Yes. after Thanksgiving, the whole trip dependent everything from the turkey and everything. And afterwards, you’re just like, we’re all sitting there. Even if you didn’t overeat, which you probably would, I’m not saying you me, I’m talking me. Okay? Over eat because it’s like every especially potlucks, everything is so tasty and so good. And you don’t get those all the time. You’re like, I haven’t had this since the last potluck and stuff. And you’re like, I want to have some. So those things, the overeating of certain foods or eating certain foods. And everybody has different things. Like, I have a nephew that has gluten problems, and so he can’t do some of those postures and carbs and things like that. If he does, it’ll totally mess him up. So you’ve got to also apply it to what’s unique to you. What what foods do you, you know, energize you, what do you normally do? And if you even if you eat outside of your normal routine, it can mess you up. You’re like, oh, I don’t normally eat it this time. Or I normally eat it this time, and I haven’t eaten. And then your body’s like, wait, I’m used to having food now. I’m starting to crash because I have the food. So it’s it’s really understanding what your natural little ups and downs are. Okay, so yeah, the food coma and the potluck thing. I girlfriend, I’m with you, I have the same issues. So I hear you and good for you for Ben in the carbs for everybody because, you know, they’re all probably like, hey, oh, yeah, we’re all crashing. Oh, yeah. Oh, no clients in the afternoon on these days because we’re having a potluck. So anyway,
Toni-Ann Mayembe 24:49
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Kimberly Walton 25:54
You’re like I’m not even breadsticks. Dang it. You know what I’m here for you this is because you know, but you have to run an office, you know, you have to, you can’t you can’t have everybody in food come up, people come in, and you’re kind of like your mouth saying and like, we had a Pollock. I’m not I’m not okay, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I have this visual in my head right now. Of everybody at the office, like enjoying the food and conversation and all that. And then like an hour later, they’re just kind of like walking around like we’re in like The Walking Dead or something.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 26:24
Yes, it is not very productive. Not.
Kimberly Walton 26:28
It’s not it doesn’t work. And that’s because you’ve totally messed up your whole peaks and valleys thing. So yeah, definitely. And this is really good to do with people in your life, not just relationships, like with your mate or even kids, even kids have these. start tracking your kids to and your husband. And but even staff, you know, so maybe maybe people adjust their times and stuff based on, you know, when they come in and when they leave. So, okay, so let’s talk about, can we manipulate these? Yes, you can. Okay. But again, we got to be really careful with those false crashes and highs, you know, if you’re ill if you’re stressed if you’ve got emotional distress, medications, medical procedures, okay. Like, obviously, if I have to get my molars removed, my peaks and crashes are all thrown out the window, right? So we’ve got to definitely acknowledge those things. Now, can we manipulate these? Absolutely, we can. And it requires a slow kind of progress progression. Like for me, sometimes I travel, I’m on the West Coast, sometimes I traveled to the East Coast. And this is part of that whole jetlag thing that people talk about where, wow, I should be high, I should be low, I should watch my crash, which might whatever. And what we want to do is we want to start making some slow changes, we want to first of all, you know, assess any of those peaks, anything that’s going to be giving us false highs and lows. And you want to start by first changing your sleeping habits. Because your body is going to respond to this as part of that circadian rhythm and natural bio rhythms and things like that. If you start waking up a little bit earlier, or you start going to bed a little earlier, or going to bed a little later, it will impact things, and your body needs time to know what the natural thing is. Now, I don’t know about you, but I set my alarm. But my body usually wakes me up five to 10 minutes before the alarm. Does that happen for you to Toni-Ann? Yes, yes, I’ve noticed that lately. Because your body’s like, Oh, I know, I’m supposed to be waking up. So I’m going to start my pre flight, you know, my pre check my free, we’re starting to wake you up? Well, once your body starts to do that, it starts doing a certain things with cortisol, it starts doing certain things with your blood sugar, and things like that. So you, you don’t want to all of a sudden start waking up three hours earlier, because your body’s gonna go into kind of a shock. But if you start waking up 15 minutes earlier, then that works. That’s what I do. And I have to travel to the East Coast, I take about three weeks. And I start for one week, I start getting up about 1520 minutes earlier. And then the next week, I try to get up a half an hour earlier. And then the next week I’m trying to get up like an hour earlier. And I do that slowly to get my body to go, oh, okay, we’re getting up earlier now. Okay, I’m going to start sending all the signals out and doing all those things. Now what will happen is your body will then say, well, if my peak was now at eight o’clock instead of 10 o’clock, then that means my crash which is going to come like a wave later is going to start moving as well. So they’re going to work again like the wave the up and down. If you start moving one of those a little earlier or one of those a little later, like you’re getting up later or something like that. That’s going to make the others also shift. Okay, so you’re not going to be able to manipulate it to have two peaks in a row, but you can scoot them earlier in the day or scoot them later in the night. You can also do things so that you can kind of extend And them by minimizing stress and things like that. Okay? So yes, you can move them, you can shift them, but it’s not something I want you to do quickly.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 30:12
Got it, got it. And I like how you brought up sleep. Because I think that’s one thing that we forget a lot about, I think, at least for me, I know I’m so concerned about my kids making sure that they get enough sleep, but it’s so important for us too, as well. And then having that regular bedtime, or sleeping wakeup time. Definitely, is something that I’m so glad that you brought up because yes, it really plays a huge role in a lot of things. So
Kimberly Walton 30:38
good. When I know when I don’t get enough sleep, my system was all messed up, or if I get up a lot later, a lot earlier. I mean, again, if you’re feeling sick or something, because a lot of people right now, you know, we, we talked about allergies and things like that, you and I pre show, you know, people who are going through allergies, or there’s a season of you know, people have cold or something like that, obviously, the rules are a little different right then, but you want to try to keep to as much of a schedule as possible, because your body’s like, Oh, I know what to do. Now, I know what to do now. And obviously, sometimes we’re staying up a little later, we’re like, oh, there’s a show on I want to watch, the kids went to sleep and I get to spend some time with the Hubby, gosh, uninterrupted time, those things happen. But what you don’t want to do is you still you don’t want to start adjusting everything around that you stay up a little later. Don’t sleep in, you still want to get up at the same basic time, if at all possible. Sometimes my clients have problems because they’re like, Well, my, during the week, here’s my schedule, I get up at this time. And on the weekends, their schedule is all different. And then Monday and Tuesday, their body’s like wait, why did we wait? What time are we getting up. And so it takes them a few days for their body to be like, Okay, I get my peaks. And I know what my peaks and crashes are. So you really want to try to keep to as much of a schedule as possible. And if you do feel like sleep is an issue, the thing I want people to do is during their crash time, take a little mini 15 minute power nap, whether you’re in your car, whether you are at home or whatever, take a little power nap, when you wake up, you’re going to be coming out of that crash into your peak, your body will have got that little reset it needed. And you’re not going to be messing up the whole daily system because you were sleeping you’re taking a little power nap during your your crash.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 32:23
Yeah, and I didn’t even think about the power mountain because I noticed when I’m not feeling well, whenever I take a power nap, I do feel better. So I’m glad that you’re reminding me to do that probably
Kimberly Walton 32:32
love what I’m up to. And sometimes we take a nap. And we wake up and we’re really groggy, and we’re like really trying like, wow, why do I feel so horrible? That usually, and I’ve had clients do this and I’ve done it myself that usually if when you look at that is because you’re waking up in a crash, you went to sleep. And when you woke up, you woke up in the middle of your crash time. So it’s going to take you a while to get out of that crash. Don’t be upset with yourself. Don’t be like oh my gosh, why am I so groggy? I just took a nap. And I’ve had clients say that like, why don’t I just took a nap? Why am I not you know, up and energized? Well, because you’re waking up in your low point. So if you’re waking up in the trough, then just give yourself a little time to wake up. Don’t rush to the caffeine or chocolate. Go get yourself some water, give your body a chance to reset. Because your your body’s working for you. You just change the rules a little bit. And it’s like well, what? Okay, I’m going to crash so. So are you woke up now you should have slept another 20 minutes or you know, not that your body says that. But sometimes I think my body talks to me like that.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 33:33
Yes, yeah, no, this is good. Good, good. Good. And yeah, I think nobody talks to me all the time. So you’re not
Kimberly Walton 33:39
alone. It’s usually pretty nice to me. I’m just gonna say, but But it’s pretty clear. It’s like, Oh, don’t eat that anymore. Don’t Yes, yeah, no Italian potlucks? I mean, the keep that one in mind. We did have pizza last night. So keep that in mind. But yeah, those are the things we want to think about when it comes to that. It’s like, there’s so many little things that if we start messing up our natural patterns, that it’s going to take a little time to reset that. Because your body’s like, Well wait, this is what I know I’m supposed to be doing you did something different. So what now?
Toni-Ann Mayembe 34:16
So I, you asked a really good question. So what now? So I know a lot of them will feel like, oh my goodness, like what should I do? Like, what? What happens? Like if I if I’m like get stuck in this? And would you have already given us the permission to give us our bodies just a few minutes to get it together? And we’ll come out of that crash and it will be back to normal again. But did you have any other tips about that when we get kind of stuck in there or we just need to give ourselves some time?
Kimberly Walton 34:45
Well, I think we have to be in somewhat of a vigilant with assessing and, you know, if people have put the work in to do the aligning, you’re not trying to do you know, complicated tasks when you’re crashing? Because you just said yourself up for failure. That’s it. Don’t do that to yourself. That’s just almost like self flogging. Please don’t do that. If you really have to do something super complicated when you’re crashing, then be patient and kind with yourself, maybe pat yourself on the back that you’re doing it. Maybe you have yourself a cup of tea or a little piece of chocolate, something that you feel like, Hey, it’s okay, I know I’m no, I’m at a low peak right now, or a crash time and be kind because the verbal abuse that we we tend to do to ourselves. And I’m going to say, especially as women, that doesn’t help at all, because that just makes you mentally crash as well as the physical crash. And so I think that if you work on aligning these things, and doing what you can, and then understanding the times that you cannot like, okay, my manager likes attend a meeting, I know I’m going to crash time. So what can I do to be happier? Can I put on a little lotion? Can I have my favorite tea, I saved my favorite tea. For this time. It’s almost like a reward for putting up with my supervisor when I’m crashing and do something so that you feel a little happier, a little pep in your step, you know, on unimportant meetings or days or certain things that you know, you were your favorite, bright, you know, bright blue shirt or whatever, manipulate things so that you are feeling a little bit of a pump up without it being maybe caffeine or food or maybe it is caffeine, I’m, I’m not hating on caffeine. It’s just not my thing. So you’ve got to be hyper aware of these things. Once that happens, then you can be patient with yourself and say, oh, yeah, you know what, we had a potluck at work. And that’s why I was kind of useless afterwards. Or you don’t you know, don’t plan a potluck. On this day, when we’ve got a really big meeting coming up. That’s a huge presentation, because you’ve just sabotaged yourself, and then you’re going to be like, why did why was I not on my game. So it really is about awareness. And I’m big on awareness. In fact, and I know you got a copy of the book. That’s our first chapter is awareness, awareness. What I’m physically feeling what I’m emotionally feeling, why am I feeling it? Because awareness, once you have that, you can pivot and shift and do all sorts of things. And you’re more kind and patient with yourself and others. Right. So not to belabor the point. But that’s it really is about that after, but you got to do the work and track these things first, not just like, hey, I think I got a crush about this time, I think I got to whatever, actually log these things. And if you want, I’d be happy to share my handouts with you. And you could share with your listeners. I’ve got a whole like worksheet, that it’s got several pages to it, they can log it, it’s like you can just print it out and log it. I can get that to you. And you can share it with people if they want it. They don’t have to use binder paper.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 37:42
Yes, yes, definitely. And I’ll make sure to include that link in the show notes. So yes, definitely when I get that because I know that would be super helpful.
Kimberly Walton 37:50
Yeah, it just saves time. And then people like Wait, what was I was I supposed to log what it has all the instructions and everything on it?
Toni-Ann Mayembe 37:56
Perfect, perfect. Well, this has been such a really, really good conversation. And you brought up one thing, which was your book. And I wanted to talk to you a little bit about that, because it has been, I have not even finished with it, but I’m really enjoying it. And I wanted to share a little bit about it, because I know that there’s other moms that this could help, especially in their marriages so that we can have more marriages that are succeeding, because the statistics are Cortese when it comes to marriages that are failing. So talk to us a little bit about your book and where we can get it.
Kimberly Walton 38:28
Yeah, and statistics right now with COVID. My husband and I are both in this business of trying to help marriages. And the we’re so packed right now. COVID has really just been like a wrecking ball to marriages. Because people can’t get away from each other, they can’t reset. There’s it just there’s so much tension and stress. And so, and even things in the world that are just, you know, putting people they’re pitting people against each other political stuff, and all sorts of stuff. So So yeah, I’m, I’m all about that. So my husband and I wrote a book, and it’s called words to love by. And the website for the book is words to love by book.com. And basically what we did is we sat down and we’ve been talking about this for like four years, we sat down, and we were making lists of things that he and I both commonly see as like, my, I’m seeing this over and over again with my clients or I wish my clients understood this. I wish they were more aware. I wish they understood that, you know the importance of this, I wish they understood that conflict, which is one of my favorite chapters. Conflict is not a bad thing in relationships. Conflict is normal. If you don’t have conflict, I am more concerned if you have conflict, I can work with you. We can do that. Because that means you’re you still care and you’re still trying to, you know, work something out. And so we had these things that we were over and over again, it’s almost like I feel like I should be saying, Oh, this is scenario 42 This is everybody’s dealing with this. You’re not have normal, but let’s, you know, let’s get y’all all on this and my husband, we’re like, we just need to write a book and just hand them out, read chapter three right now, because Chapter Three will save you in the meeting with me. And we sat down, and we made this list of these common things over and over again, that we wish everybody knew. Because I mean, there’s only two of us. We can we can’t reach everybody. So we wrote the book. And it’s, it’s a joke. And they keep saying it’s like a dream come true, but not for us. It’s for our clients, and for our people that will read it that is like, oh, my gosh, I didn’t know and like you and I had spoke, there’s questions at the end of the chapters that are like, hey, for further this, and you can use it to talk to your mate, you don’t have to do it with your mate, but she can. It’s ideally suited for doing small groups. Or just reading like, I have one client who’s reading a chapter a week, her and her mate are doing a chapter a week, and they’re doing the questions, and they got little journals and all that. So it’s been a labor of love. But we decided in COVID, when we love to travel, my husband and I, we love to travel. And during COVID, obviously we couldn’t travel and we’re like, Well, what are we going to do with our time and he’s, he’s like, my husband says, I guess it’s time to work on the book, let’s see how far we can get in during lockdown. And, well, we got pretty far because a book is done. Um, you know, and so that’s where we’re at it with the book is just getting it out there. It’s on Amazon and other places, Amazon it’s on right now is an ebook. And I’m not sure when this is going to be out. But basically, the post the podcast 20. And so it’s on pre order right now, until the end of May, through Amazon, Barnes and Nobles and places like that. So we happen to have hardback copies, but those are going to be sent out to people at the end of May. So it’s kind of an exciting time, I feel like we’re birthing a whole new baby, I keep jokingly saying this is our COVID Baby, because we wrote it delivered it and everything else during COVID.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 42:04
I love it. And this is a great baby to have, because
Kimberly Walton 42:07
this is a great baby. This is a great baby, because it doesn’t require any changing, or it doesn’t cry at night, although I will tell you that my husband, I really know our stuff when it comes to relationships. But there is a learning curve to getting a book and promoting a book that I honestly was not quite ready for. So there is a whole bunch of learning going on. So in that aspect, it is like having a baby where they’re like, wait, are they supposed to be doing this? Yeah. There there is that and I’m like, Okay, keep in mind keep keep happy about this the like, Wait, we have to post what we have to this, we have to we have to log into this we have okay, you know, so it’s, um, that’s not my favorite part, the marketing. I mean, I’d love to talk about it, obviously, but the writing of it and just knowing it was going to touch marriages. And, and, and I don’t know if you’ve read some of it now that some of this stuff doesn’t even have to be for marriages. You can like I can apply this to relationships with my sister, I can apply this to my children. This is this is information that I can use for you know, with coworkers, like wow, this is about building stronger relationships. It doesn’t have to be just a marriage.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 43:22
Yes, yes. I totally agree. And one that came to mind was gratitude. So yes, you are right. It doesn’t all apply to just marriage. It is for relationships in general. So I’m so glad that you talked about the book, you definitely want to grab it because I’ve already been checking it out. And like I said, it’s really, really good. So I
Kimberly Walton 43:40
will make sure it’s cool. Insider free copy.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 43:44
Yes, I bet I did. I do want to throw that out there. But it’s been really, really good. The questions that are always like, oh, okay, well, all right. So they’re really helping challenged me to stretch me and I’m super grateful for this book. So thank you for sending that insider edition for me so I can get really this has been such a great conversation. I really, really enjoy having you on really quick just let us know where we can find you online if we want to connect with you learn more about you get in contact with you all that good stuff.
Kimberly Walton 44:17
Yeah. So hey, I’m happy to be social. I’m not a social these days, because I’m busy doing book stuff. But yeah, let’s be social people. i My website is called cherished wives.com That’s cherished wives that’s on Facebook as well. And also Pinterest. So any of those and then on Instagram. It’s Miss Kimberly Walton, and then I am brand new to tick tock like I have something loaded up but I don’t have my face or my bio yet. So if you want to go in and find me on Tik Tok, I’d be happy to follow you back this weekend where we are putting up the face in the bio on Tik Tok to be doing all that. So I don’t know if anybody out there even tiktoks But I’m like, Oh my Lord, I am overwhelmed with some of this stuff. So well, I look at some of these things and I’m like, Oh man, but I have, I have some colleagues that are like, Kimberly, I need you on tick tock, I need to, you know, I want to plug your book, I wanted this and that I’m like, okay, here I go. Because I feel like tiktoks like for the younger people. And because I’m like, almost 60 I probably people say you don’t sound it or look it but I’m like, I’m almost 60 I’m not going to be out there dancing in front of this stuff. Sorry, folks. Don’t expect the dancin. Maybe I’ll do a twist or something, I don’t know. But anyway. So that’s where you can find me is either cherished wives.com And that has all my social media there, or miss Kimberly Walton.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 45:42
Perfect, perfect. And again, I’ll make sure all those links are in the show notes. Thank you so much again, for coming on. This has been so much fun. And I really really enjoyed talking to you today. Now that does it for this episode of The Real happy mom podcast. To find the links in Show Notes head on over to Real happy mom.com/ 182 And you want to make sure that you go over there because got a special treat for you. From Miss Kimberly Thank you Miss curry. We are going to be treating you with something special. So head on over to that link to get that special treat from her. And make sure you stay tuned for next week for another full episode. Next week, we’re going to be talking about some ways that we can eat healthy while we’re on vacation. Because we got to keep this nice cute figure of ours and not lose it to all those cookies and cake out there. Well at least that’s what I tell myself. So if you are wanting to get some help with how you can eat better while you’re on vacation, make sure you stay back here with me next Tuesday for another full episode. That’s it for this time, take care and with lots of love