Right now it is hard to juggle all of the demands in life. You have work, the kids, the house, and everything else calling your name trying to get your attention. It’s hard to find time for yourself, but there are ways that you can have the time you need to connect with yourself and your family. My guest will show you how.
In this episode Elise shares:
- How we can stay connected to ourselves
- How to make space in your day for yourself
- How we can respond versus react
- How to identify things that are triggering in motherhood
If you are ready to learn how to stay connected to yourself and your kids, check out the full episode.
For moms who feel stuck and stagnant in life, Sasha Nicole teaches how to feel more confident and courageous through various courses, motivational videos, coaching, and keynote speeches. As a mental health advocate in the wellness industry for over ten years who not only survived severe postpartum depression and thrives with a mental health condition, it is her mission to assist others in living a healed and whole life while honing in on what truly ma
Elise is a life and wellness coach, yoga teacher, and former middle school teacher who works with moms and teens. She is fascinated by brain development and the nervous system and believes that understanding these two things can make teen years so much easier for mamas and teens.
Elise offers mama-centered and teen-centered coaching packages. Her mission is to bring enjoyment back into family relationships by helping her clients connect with themselves so that they can stay connected to their loved ones.
Connect with Elise
- Website: https://www.eliseknox.com
- Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/Eliseknoxconnectioncoach
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/eliseknoxconnectioncoach
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Transcript of this episode
Toni-Ann Mayembe 0:04
You are listening to the real happy mom podcast, the weekly podcast for busy working moms to get inspiration, encouragement and practical tip. My name is Ethan, and you are listening to Episode 188. Yeah. Well, hey there and welcome back to another episode of The Real happy mom podcast. Super excited to have you back. I know that things are busy this summer. And I’m super appreciative of you tuning in this summer so that you can hear some of us awesome goodness, today have another awesome guest that I know you’re going to love. And I know that this is going to be helpful for you. If you are feeling like you want to do better about connecting with yourself and with your kids. So you are wouldn’t be like me to do better with connecting with yourself and kids. This episode is for you. But before we jump into this week’s episode, I want to make sure that you know about the real happy mom Facebook community. This is where you will find more of the prompts that we have here on the podcast, as well as the monthly trainings, I will be doing multi channel trains they’ll give you I’ll be doing monthly Trello trainings inside of the Facebook community which is totally free. And Trello is a project management tool. If you’re not aware, I’ll show you how to use Trello to help you with organizing systematizing things in order so that you can be at your best. So if you want to join me, make sure you head on over to Robin mom.com/community fill out the questionnaire completely answer I want to say it’s three questions, please make sure you answer them so that I know that you’re not a robot. I’ll let you in and you can join us for some more fun, right mom.com/community. Alright, now that we have that out of the way, let’s go ahead and jump on into this week’s episode. All right, today, we got another really great episode that I know is going to be super helpful for you this summer. And I’m super excited to have my guest Elise on the podcast. So welcome to the podcast. Hi, thank you. So I am excited today about the topic that we have. But before we jump in, I wanted you to share a little bit about you and what you do.
Yeah, so I am a life and wellness coach, and I work with teens and moms. And I kind of found my way here through health coaching. I started with health coaching and then really wanted to broaden my, like what I was able to coach on because in health coaching, I found what I loved coaching the most was kind of the social, emotional, mental aspects of it. So I furthered my education and got a life coaching certificate. And I’m just really happy to be able to serve moms and teens in the way that I do.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 3:13
Yes, yes. And forgive me, Your name is spelt like how I pronounce my son’s name. So automatically, I’m like Elise, LA’s. So I’m super, super excited about this one, because I love that, that you have this coaching background, because you are going to help us today with, you know, just stay more connected with our kids. And during the summertime it can get a little interesting, especially with the kids being out of school. But let’s start with how we can start to stay connected with ourselves, especially when we’re trying to take care of everyone else.
Yes, this is like, the most important thing I have a lot of moms that call and say things like oh my gosh, my my daughter needs help, or like can you please work with my team and through our conversation, I often find that, like moms have just kind of lost that connection to themselves and what their needs are and just really they’re so busy taking care of everyone else that they are not connecting to themselves. And as Brene Brown says like you can only be as connected to others as you are to yourself. And so that is one of the most important things is really just you know, taking it doesn’t have to be a big, like spa day or whatever. You know, like those things that we think of but just really planting little moments throughout your day where you’re checking in with yourself and what you need and how you’re feeling is so so important so that you can show up for your kids.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 4:59
And I love that quote that you just gave about you can only be is because you can only be connected to others as much as you are to yourself because I didn’t really think about it. And then once he said I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, you are right. I can’t be super connected to my kids if I’m like all over the place. So I’m glad you brought that one up.
Yeah. And like as a mom, I am sure you as well. But you can feel that when you’re out of connection to myself, like that energy that I’m coming to any interaction with my kid is is chaos. It’s chaotic energy. And it’s so much harder to to have that like calm connection with them when you’re not feeling that with yourself.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 5:42
Yes, definitely. Now, now that we’ve been we’ve, I feel like we’re being more observant and recognizing things within ourselves. So now that we know, we got to make sure we’re staying connected with ourselves, let’s switch things to our kids are interacting with our kids, like, how can we start to be better as far as responding to our kids so that we’re not just automatically reacting to everything that they do?
Yeah, this is so, so important. And again, it starts with like, that connection to self. So it’s, if, if you’re coming to, like, you know, picking your kids up from school, if you’re picking your kids up from school, and you’ve had a busy day, and you haven’t had a moment, even like in the car, sitting there and taking up hand on your chest and a hand on your belly and taking a few deep breaths, or whatever that connection point to yourself is. And you pick up your kids and they had a hard day like dances, have you reacting to something of a, you know, a kid complaining or like, I don’t want to do that, or I’m home, what all the things that happen when you pick your kids up, it’s so much harder to respond to them versus like, if you haven’t taken that moment to yourself. So I again, it like comes back to connecting to yourself. And I like to with these tiny little moments throughout my day. So really, I use, I use breath. And I like sometimes just will like take a hot cup of tea and like sit with it and feel it in my hands and smell it. Just taking little moments throughout your day to add a little space in so that when your kid is having a big reaction, you can come to it with calm and peace rather than already being you’re at the end of your rope.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 7:55
Yeah. And I like how you say, you know, you know, do things that add space to your day, because I know especially right now with the kids being home and probably doing more activities. Because it’s summertime, the kids aren’t in school. You know, a lot of times it’s easy to be triggered by the whining and complaining and the fighting and all those things. So I like how you think adding space to your day. So you gave us a couple of examples as far as taking some breaths. And I like the whole hot team just sitting with it. Because I think a lot of times we’re just thinking we have food and we just got to consume it instead of actually like really being present and really taken in everything with all of the senses. So I like how you’re you’re telling us to kind of like pause and take a beat because it’s easy to get caught up in the the GO GO GO of the day that we don’t like you said Make space.
Yeah, and the like the key to responding rather than reacting to your kid is to also take space in that moment. But if you’re never taking space, if taking space isn’t something that you’re already familiar with. It’s just React, React, React, where as if you’ve had these little moments of space throughout your day, you’re like, oh, yeah, they’re whining, or they’re complaining or they’re reacting. And I’m gonna take a deep breath instead of just react to them immediately.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 9:25
And I and I like how you said take space in that moment. So give us an example of how that can look as far as taking space in that in the moment.
Yeah, so if if, if a kid your kid is having a tantrum or a big reaction to something, rather than reacting with, like whatever it’s like, I’m hungry. I’m hungry. I’m hungry. No, you’re not. I just fed you five minutes ago. Like a Pay, they’re hungry, I’m going to take a deep breath. I’m going to release the breath. And then I’m going to say like, it doesn’t have to be that I’m going to give them the snack. It just has to be like, I’m coming to it from a place of calm rather than frustration.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 10:20
Like that. Yes, definitely taken a second or two, to take a deep breath is always super helpful. I know, I have to remind myself all the time, Tony, and breathe, breathe. You got it? Okay. No, I like how you you gave that example. But I want you to talk to us about especially with the triggers, we will get into it a little bit. But this question here, I think a lot of moms have is why do certain things about motherhood trigger me every time?
Yes. I think a lot of it comes down to things from our own childhood. So. And it’s not always easy to identify that until you really pull it apart. But sometimes, I know there. Sometimes I am triggered by say, like, I say dinner’s ready. And I’ve just spent time making dinner. And nobody shows up at the table. And sometimes that sends me like, into a little bit more of a mood alteration. Then it weighed like, I think it should add, like very frustrated by that. And when I’ve really teased it apart and was like, what, like, what do I really feel it’s like, I’m not like, people aren’t listening, I’m not important. And that’s something that like comes from childhood, like people aren’t listening to me I what I have to say it doesn’t matter. And so like being aware of that, the next time I say dinner’s ready, and nobody shows up to the dining room table, rather than go like operating from my, my little girl self who’s like, nobody ever listens. To me, nothing I do is important. I can just think, okay, like, you know, there’s a really good chance that my little ones are playing, and they’re in the middle of something, and probably my husband is busy doing something as well. And so I can like look at it objectively, rather than just operating from that little, little Elise, who’s like, nobody cares about me.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 12:40
Yes, no, I like how you’re saying that sometimes you gotta tease this apart, because I recently just started speaking with a therapist, and one of the things that she has been helping me with is just kind of realizing some of my thoughts and how my thoughts how I verbalize those thoughts, and how that really, is stemmed from something else like, and I think sometimes it takes, you know, either someone else helping you to see it, or journaling things out. So you can actually like physically, like, see things, because it’s hard when you’re like, in the moment and things be like, Well, why is this always bother me. So like, for instance, I like how you brought up the, you know, no one showing up to the dinner table. So for me, it’s like hiding things, like, why are you hiding things. So once I like dug down to it, I don’t want to be judged. And that’s just me, like, you know, trying to protect myself from feeling like people are judging me. So sometimes, like I was saying, it takes, like getting either someone else to help you to see those things or journaling those things out. But I didn’t know if you had any other tips on like, how you can help kind of bring some of these things to the surface so that you can begin to identify those things that are triggering you and be like how you are and saying that I’m not gonna let the little version of me you know, throw a tantrum and put me in a bad mood.
Yeah, I mean, really, you if it takes time, and it is really helpful to have somebody work with you on that. I mean, a lot of times when when I work with clients, they they are coming up with the answers themselves, but just asking them the right questions and really taking the time and a space for them to to look inward is so helpful. Journaling is also very helpful. And the reason that those two things are so helpful is because when you’re in the moment of feeling triggered you’re your brain is kind of offline like your nervous system is in fight or flight and your your thinking brain isn’t you’re not able to be like oh look what’s happening right now I’m feeling triggered and that’s because when I was a little girl, blah blah blah like If you’re not able to do that, so it’s important to look at these things when you’re not feeling them, and ask yourself when you’re calm, like, Okay, what what was making me feel that? And how can I kind of work through that?
Toni-Ann Mayembe 15:14
Yes. So love it, love it. Now, I think we’ve gotten a lot more clarity on the triggers and how we can do better about that, I just wanted you to give us some kind of practical tips that we can start to take to begin to do better about either, you know, handling our stress about it, because I know we talked about breathing and you know, being more intentional, but are there any other things that you can give us to help us with regulating ourselves to make ourselves like not so easily stressed and overwhelmed?
Yeah. It’s kind of it’s interesting, it’s like, a lot of it is comes back to that really checking in with yourself. And doing it even when you’re not feeling stressed is one of the most important tips about regulating your nervous system. So when things are going smooth, we very easily are like, Oh, I don’t need to do that, like five minute practice, oh, like, I’m good. Today, I don’t need to journal or check in with myself. But the truth is, it’s like a muscle. So even when you’re feeling really good, it’s important to take those three minutes or two minutes or one minute of space where you’re checking in with yourself, taking a few deep breaths. I like you mentioned, I kind of mentioned the drinking the tea and feeling the tea and smelling the tea. So bringing your five senses online, is a way to really calm the nervous system and be in the presence. And so I think like the the most important part of that is that we do it even when we’re not dysregulated or feeling whatever it is that we’re feeling. So if we wait until to do these practices, like okay, I’m just gonna breathe, when I’m feeling triggered, it’s not really going to do anything. But if every day we have a few, or like a few little breaks in our day where we check in with ourselves. That is what’s going to build that muscle of the nervous system so that we can regulate ourselves, even when things are feeling very dysregulated
Toni-Ann Mayembe 17:39
I love that. Definitely. I’m totally with you on that one. Because I noticed when I don’t do things regularly, it’s harder for me. Things back, give me back calm again. Because I was telling who is I was I don’t remember who it was I was talking to that this week, I just noticed that I’m like, the word I’ve come to connect things with. It’s very edgy. Like, there’s a lot of things that just like, sent me off and like, it can be the slightest little thing and, and I noticed that I miss read an email. And when I tell you, you would have thought like someone was like, threatening to like, do something like really bad to me. Like I just like, lost it. And I was just like, Okay, I had to tell myself, like put my hand over my face and like tell myself calm down, breathe, breathe. And it took me like a good like, 15 minutes to like, get myself to calm down. And even when I did Calm down, I still was like, it was easy to take me right back up again. And it wasn’t until I talked to someone then and realized, like, I totally misread that email, like, I didn’t even have to react like that. And then it was like something like, shortly after that. It was like, like, I’m just like, oh, like ready to just like you know, you know, attack someone. But I’m seeing now that like you said, it’s like a muscle like when you’re doing it on a regular basis. It makes things so much more easier than when you’re just doing it, you know, whenever you need to. So now I’ve been making it a practice to do my breathing and to check in with myself. So I’m glad that you brought that one up.
Yeah, I know. It’s so you know, for me, it’s it’s first thing in the morning, I have time that my kids are not awake yet and that I like wake up early to do that. So because sometimes once the day gets rolling, it’s harder to take those little breaks. I do think it’s important to do them throughout the day as well but like knowing that I always have that time in the morning for me is really important and I am like I have my whole life. I have not been a morning person. I’ve been a night person I used to work at night. And probably like four years ago now I It changed. I was like, I need to wake up before my kids because this isn’t working anymore. And it’s really changed my life. And I think like, it’s because I have this daily practice that I do every morning. It doesn’t have to be big. But when my kids wake up, I’m like, I’ve already had, I’ve already had some time for myself.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 20:23
Yes, yeah. So I’m definitely with you. I do my things in the morning. And I’m also learning to check in with myself at lunchtime if I’m able to take a lunch break, because sometimes it doesn’t happen. But if I do take a lunch break, I try to remind myself like, get into the habit of right after I’m done eating just take a minute just like kinda Breathe, relax, think sometimes do a quick meditation or whatever it is. But yeah, taking some time, midday to if you’re not a morning person, like we are, I think is helpful to as well.
Yeah, totally. And and just like it doesn’t I think the most important thing is that it doesn’t have to be a big time commitment. It doesn’t have to be a big like to do that you can’t do if you’re around other people, it just really is like a check in.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 21:13
Yeah, definitely. Now you’ve given us so many great things to think about, and definitely are making me a lot more observant. So I’m definitely ready to, you know, take on the kids, especially during the summer time, and not let them drive me crazy. Thank you so much for coming on. But I really wanted you to share one last thing with us before we go in. And that is if you have either a word of encouragement or a motivational quote for us real happy moms.
Yeah, so I’m gonna bring it back to like what we’ve been talking about this whole time. On the bottom of my emails, I have a clip that says the most important relationship you’ll ever have is one with yourself. And I feel like for moms, that is one of the most important things to live by is just we get so caught up in giving and caring for everyone else. And sometimes we forget about that relationship with ourselves. And it is the most important so that we can show up for the people. We love the way that we work.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 22:25
Yes, definitely. Now if we want to connect with you learn more about you get into these coaching programs, I hear that you’re talking about how can we get in touch with you?
Yeah, so my am mostly on Instagram, and it’s at least not connection coach. And my website is just released not.com And I also host a live free monthly masterclass on how to communicate better with your kids. It works the way it’s it kind of follows on violent communication, which works with everybody, not just your kids, but I have it tailored a little bit more to kids. And then there’s also a free PDF guide that I that goes along with the masterclass.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 23:16
Awesome, awesome. I’ll be sure to include all of those links in the show notes. Again, thank you so much for coming on and sharing this with us. This has been super, super helpful, and I really, really appreciate it.
Yeah, thank you for having me. I love this podcast.
Toni-Ann Mayembe 23:32
Now that does it for this episode of the row happy mom podcast. To find the links and show notes head on over to Real happy mom.com/ 188 Find all the links that were mentioned. And do me a favor, make sure you stay tuned next week for another full episode. We’re here to help you during the summer time with these awesome guests that we have. And I’m hoping that you’re finding this super helpful. All right, I will see you again next time. Take care