Let’s be honest. Between work, kids, and the house you have a lot going on.
And it can feel super overwhelming. Especially when we don’t feel like we are juggling all of the plates well.
Yes, stress is a normal part of life. But there comes a time when the stress is more than usual. And that is what to help you with today.
To help us with managing our stress I brought my guest, Whitney. In this episode, Whitney shares:
- How we can check in with our bodies and pick up on those feelings when we’re feeling a lot of stress
- How we can do some inner work so that we can start developing ways that we can deal with our stress a lot better.
- A four-step process for helping us with finding that balance and working through the stress. And you will be surprised because it is a very simple process.
- Some in-the-moment things that we can do to help with dealing with stress.
- How we can find ways to manage stress within the home so that we can develop strategies so that overall, the household is not overwhelming us.
So if this sounds like something that you could use, you definitely want to stay tuned and listen to this full episode.
Whitney helped me out a ton and I know she can help you as well.
Whitney is a certified wellness and life coach, a birth doula, and a mom of 4. She coaches intentional women to look inward, listen to their body’s natural communication, create space for processing, and inevitably show up in the present moment as the most authentic version of themselves. Whitney teaches tools that are practical, realistic, and can easily be integrated into busy, everyday life.
Connect with Whitney
- Website: http://www.whitneybean.com
- Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/whitney.t.bean/
- Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/473253850471613/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/atadbitcrunchy/
- This is Whitney’s Restoring Balance Freebie video lesson and worksheets: https://www.realhappymom.com/restoringbalance
- Website: http://www.whitneybean.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/atadbitcrunchy/
- This is Whitney’s Restoring Balance Freebie video lesson and worksheets: https://www.realhappymom.com/restoringbalance
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Transcript of this episode
Real Happy Mom 0:04
You are listening to the Real Happy Mom podcast, podcast. To get inspiration, encouragement, practical tips for this journey. My name is in Episode 150. Hey there, and welcome back to another episode of the Real Happy Mom podcast super excited for this particular episode because I have my friend here, Whitney being who is going to be sharing with us about stress, and how we can better deal with it. Because let’s just be honest between work kids in the house, it’s just a lot going on. And it can feel super overwhelming, especially with everything that is going on, and especially when we’re out of balance. And this is one thing that we talked about in this episode. So today, Whitney is going to be sharing with us how we can check in with our bodies and pick up on those feelings when we’re feeling a lot of stress and how we can do some inner work so that we can start developing ways that we can deal with our stress a lot better. Because, yes, we do have a natural capability to deal with stress within our bodies. But sometimes that just gets a little bit overwhelming. And we have to find ways to deal with it a lot better. So that we are not acting out of character or acting in ways that are not in line with our personality or with the way we define balance. Also, Whitney shares with us our four step process for helping us with finding that balance and working through the stress. And you will be surprised because it is a very simple process. But just because it’s simple doesn’t mean that it’s always easy to do. It does take practice. And this is one thing that she stresses in this episode. Then lastly, Whitney gives us some in the moment things that we can do to help with dealing with stress. And then also how we can find ways to manage stress within the home so that we can develop strategies, so that overall, the household is not overwhelming us. So if this sounds like something that you could use, you definitely want to stay tuned and listen to this full episode. It is so so good. I know she helped me out a ton because just before recording with her, I was getting stressed out with my household. So definitely a good one. Now, before we jump into this episode, really quick, if you haven’t already, and you don’t already know about the Real Happy Mom, Facebook community, I want you to come and join me, please. This is a place where we kind of take what we are learning here and the Real Happy Mom podcast and take it inside of the Facebook community. And talk a little bit more, also do some monthly trainings that will help you with managing your house managing just life period with a program called Trello is one of my favorite things to use. And I show you different ways you can use it so that you can simplify your life and make it a more organized and have more systems so that life can be a lot easier. Because let me just tell you, it can get pretty interesting around here, especially with two jobs and two kids and a husband that all require a lot of my time. But with Trello I am able to manage and systematize things in a way that has helped me so that I don’t have to be overwhelmed all the time. So I am sharing all that with you in the Facebook community. You can go over to Real Happy Mom comm slash community and you can go ahead and join me there. So don’t don’t wait, I really want you to get in there with me and spend some time with me outside of the podcast. So go to Happy Mom comm slash community and join me in there. All right now, now that we have that out of the way, let’s go ahead and jump on into this week’s episode with Whitney. Oh, yeah. And just wanted to make sure I had your consent to record since it’s being recorded. Yes. banqiao. Right. Welcome to the podcast. Whitney. I’m excited to have you. Hi, how are you? I’m excited too. I am super excited to talk to you today. So I wanted to let everyone know that I saw Whitney insight in what she was doing now. It’s like I have got to get with me on the podcast and chit chat with her. So thank you so much for coming on Whitney. And I know today we’re gonna be talking about stress and some other goodness. But before we jump into our topic, I wanted you to share a little bit about you and what you do.
Sure. So I am a mom of four I have kids ages one through 10 and I am a wellness and life coach. I coach women who are feeling overwhelmed and fatigued and stressed, who want to be intentional, who want to plan ahead who want to take a little bit of that intentionality and put it into practice to become a little bit more of themselves to be the authentic person. So that’s what I do.
Real Happy Mom 4:55
Awesome, awesome. And the one thing that I love and I think we both This love is helping moms who are overwhelmed. And that is one thing I think we felt a lot of, especially with the pandemic, especially when it first started and everyone things getting shut down. And then with school and work and the whole nine, but even now as we’re coming out of it, and things are starting to look a little bit more hopeful, I still feel like there is some things that could really throw us off. So I wanted you to talk to us a little bit about this whole body communication system. I thought that was really, really fun. So how would you define that? And what is it?
Yeah, so I think we’re kind of conditioned to feel like we should be stressed most of the time, you know, we’re conditioned to feel like overwhelm is totally normal to feel at all times are most of the time. And when we take a step back, and we check in with our body, we really have this natural communication system, we have the ability to pick up on when we’re feeling too stressed when we’re feeling too overwhelmed. And when we need to take that step back and, and do some inner work or to make a change or to set a boundary in order to have a more fulfilled day, or to have a more fulfilled week. So we do really have that natural capability. But we have to teach our body and teach ourselves how to check in with that, and how to become aware and how to listen. So we have that natural capability. Everybody does. I know everybody out there is probably saying I don’t think I have that. But you really do. And it takes practice. And it takes a few key words and key vocabulary to recognize what’s going on. But when we have the ability to check in numerous times a day, to check in with our body and with that communication system, we can then use it, like I said, to make a change or to set a boundary or to make a plan or get organized in order to feel more balanced in order to feel more at peace. And when we’re at that balanced place, then we get to be ourselves, we get to be more authentic, we get to be in the present moment.
Real Happy Mom 7:06
Yeah. And when you were just saying that, I was just thinking because I’ve had something that’s kind of threw me off this week, it was a conversation that I had, and I just noticed, I’ve been really internalizing a lot of things here. So it’s just crazy to me how a lot of times like, I in particular feel like oh, you know, like, it’s just life, you know, like I can I can handle it. But it does get to that point, like you said, where it’s just a little too much. So I’m just wondering, because you mentioned that there’s some like key phrases and things like that, like, what are some things that you’ve heard your clients say? Or some other people say that lets you know, like, Okay, this is more than just the regular stress?
Yeah, so anything, I feel like that’s taking you out of being yourself, you know, you can kind of check in like, if I feel like I’m nagging too much like I’m nagging my kids, that’s a good signal to me to step back and say, okay, what’s going on with me, because I don’t like to nag, right. I’m not a nagging mom. And so for me, I know that that means something’s out of whack. If I’m, you know, going to that place where I feel like I have to do that, then there’s probably something that I could do for myself first, to help me to communicate better with my family. And so I think when we’re not, we’re not ourselves, you know, if I’m not, if I don’t have humor within my day, if I don’t feel like I can be silly and fun with my kids, if I feel like I have to be really strict, and when things aren’t really that serious. So things like that when it’s out of your personality, and you feel like you’re not being yourself, you’re not connecting with the moment, then those are good indications that something is a little bit off and like you’re saying we internalize things, right? We want to solve problems. We want to know why people feel the way they do about us. We want to know why people have their opinion, and we want our opinions to match up. But they won’t. And so when we get to a place where we feel like we can be ourselves, we can have our own opinion, we can have different opinions and still be worth they know still have worth and still be worthy and still have that value. Then we can get to a place of feeling balanced and feeling centered.
Real Happy Mom 9:09
Yes, yes. I love that because you brought something that when you’re saying you know about nagging too much in for me, I was like dropping things because I’m like, so flustered. I’m like, yeah, just drop stuff all the time. I’m like, Oh my god, like I need to calm down. Relax. Definitely I can I can see how there are some things especially now that you say that my okay. Yeah, I see when I was acting this way. Okay, that was off. So I’m just wondering what are some of the processes or, or systems that you take your clients through to help with creating that balance? So we don’t get into that extreme that is not within our personality?
Yeah. So and I think I’ll say this to the things that I go through with clients, you couldn’t do them any time like this is something that I do I check in all the time throughout the day. It’s something that we want to be in tensional on pre emptive about, but it does take a little bit of practice. And so, you know, when I mentioned these things, keep in mind too, that these can have value and they can have benefit regardless of where you’re at. But what I do is a four step process. So the first thing we do is we evaluate, we talk about where are we at, you know, what are the symptoms? What are you feeling? What are you thinking, you know, how do you feel emotionally. And then we talk about defining balance. And so when we talk about balance, we’re talking with each individual, because everyone has a different end goal, everyone has a different idea of what balance would feel like for them, right. So some of you might say, balance for me is if I can start my day running 10 miles, right, you’d be like, that’s not my goal, I don’t have that goal, right? balance for somebody else might be waking up taking a deep breath and saying a prayer or something like that, right? We’re just have, we have a different, a different idea of balance. So it’s important that we each individually define that balance, and it might change day to day, week to week or two is to find balance. And then the third thing is selecting realistic changes. So we want to be able to get to that balance, we want to take one step closer to that balance. But we also want it to be realistic, we want it to be something that gets us there that feels practical, and again, feels like you. And then the last step is creating space. And this is my favorite. Everything else is just getting to this place. But creating space can be anything from taking a deep breath, or going on a walk or doing a meditation or a guided visualization. In order to create space to let that process happen. It might even be calling a friend to process through something that they’ve been through that you’re now going through. But you’re intentionally creating space, to make movements and to make new avenues of thought.
Real Happy Mom 11:52
I love that I love it. And I love the steps that you gave to because this definitely seems like something that I could easily implement through that and doesn’t necessarily have to take too much time, too. So I’m just wondering, Whitney, is this something that you would suggest doing throughout the day once a week? Like how often would you suggest getting started with this? Yeah. So
when you’re first starting, and you’re like, Yes, I want to get intentional, I want to get on board, I would recommend doing this once a week. So you know, once a week on a Sunday or something at the beginning of the week, where you could look at the week, you know what challenges are coming, you know, what excitements are coming in, you know, the plan, you know, their routine. And with all of that you can still be balanced. And I think that’s like, the biggest difference is like we feel like, as a mom, you know, with a job, whatever it is, we feel like, well, this is the plan, and it’s all just gonna go to crap. Like it’s Who cares what plan I make, because it’s not going to work out. But it’s about coming back to that intentionality. And giving your body and your mind and your heart the space to try and giving yourself that space to create balance to imagine balance. So I would recommend once a week, sitting down and doing you know, a little chart, I have a chart that you can use, and making that plan and creating that balance and picking those choices and those changes that you want to make that week. But then you can also the more that you do it, it becomes more natural. And so for me throughout my day, if I feel like my thoughts are off, if I’m over analyzing, then I can take a deep breath. And I can do these four steps within, you know, just one minute, right? So I evaluate what am I feeling? Number two, what is balanced, feel like? And then number three, what how can I get there, what kind of change can get me there, and then create that space by taking some more breaths, or doing just a tiny visualization? Or again, you know, connecting with somebody who’s been through that? Something like that.
Real Happy Mom 13:49
Gotcha, gotcha. Now, you walked us through some ways to kind of be more intentional and do things proactively. But I’m wondering if you have any strategies or tips, especially in the moment when you’re feeling super overwhelmed? What are some things you would suggest for us?
Absolutely, yeah. And I will say to like this whole process, I, I kind of went on a journey myself, right? I’m trying to get like, well, I want to be myself and I want to be balanced. And so for me, it was like at that time balance felt like, you know, taking a whole hour and doing a meditation. But then in real life, what’s practical, what’s realistic, right? I do think that we can reach that balance and create that space. While having our busy lives. I absolutely know that that’s possible. But keep in mind that that might mean taking some things out of our life. Right? Because as we’re feeling more balanced, we’ll also be more aware of what we What’s our priority? What are our priorities, where do we want to spend our time where do we want to spend our energy as well? And, and so, I love that question because that’s what this is all about. We want it to be practical, right? So within the moment, take a deep breath and I know that sounds so cliche, but Take that deep breath, the first couple of might not be that deep. So you might have to try a couple of times. But then check in with your body. And what I mean by this is where do you hold tension? Where do you hold heaviness? Where do you feel tight? You know, where do you feel these things that we just go throughout our day with like, Well, my shoulders are always tight, right? But that’s the point. If we’re checking in consistently, then we have access to that information at all times. So check in with your body. And and ask yourself that question. Where am I feeling this? Where am I feeling that overwhelming that stress, and then once you feel it, try to explain it, this is gonna sound total hippie, but I promise it works. But try to describe it in a way that is not emotional. So you’re gonna maybe say it feels tight, it feels Tingley. It feels tense. It feels like too much, you know, something that’s not emotional, but just what does it feel like physically. And by doing that, we’re helping our body to separate ourselves from the experience. So our body is experiencing that overwhelm. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re an overwhelmed person. So we’re kind of creating that distance. And by doing that, we’re able to handle the overwhelm, we’re able to make choices about that so that we can decrease it.
Real Happy Mom 16:19
I love that love it. Because when you said that, like were you feeling it, I will tell you this quick story. So one day, I don’t know what was going on, it was like, really crazy at work. And I was getting so stressed, like in my neck and shoulders was so tight, like literally I went to work and I couldn’t, I could barely like turn my head. And I was like almost in tears because I currently have to turn my head to work. So I was like, what is going on. But I later found out that I was just holding everything in from what was going on during the week. But had I had done what you said and checked in with my body and been like aware of my holding it, I would have been like, okay, it’s in my neck and my shoulders like, and then now I can see like I can describe it in now get my body to kind of relax and let it go. Because I was holding on to a lot. And it’s crazy how much our bodies really experienced a lot of things. And we just think like, Oh, it’s okay, or, or the other thing is, is we think it’s like, oh, something’s wrong, like, you know, some medical condition, but it’s really just you’re stressed.
I love that example. That’s a perfect example. And again, I think we all do this with we don’t know, we don’t know that we’re doing it right. And so we really do have to retrain our brain to recognize what’s going on and to recognize what is balanced feel like well balanced, feels like not having really tight neck and shoulders. Right? It feels like feeling relaxed and feeling like yourself, but also still being able to show up as a powerful, intentional person. And so yeah, it’s perfect to be able to recognize what’s going on within your body to acknowledge well, where does that even come from? You know, one step beyond that we have that tension, and we can help release that tension. But then one step beyond that is, well, what what is that thought? And what is that emotion that is creating that, you know, there’s probably a lot that was on your mind, there’s probably a lot going on. So you can take one more step and figure out well, what’s going on that’s causing that so that you’re getting to the root, you’re getting to the root of that physical stress and that physical overwhelm.
Real Happy Mom 18:19
Yeah, it’s definitely. Now Whitney, I wanted to switch it up just a little bit. Because I know we talked about some proactive things that we can do, as well as some in the moment things that we can do. But I know that you have some really good strategies with the household overall. So I wanted you to share how we can do some of the same things that you talked about with balancing our house?
Yeah, absolutely. So you know, and, again, it goes back to what kind of house and what kind of a home Do you want to have? Have while still being you? And I think that you know, as parents, we get to be who we want to be. And sometimes we look at other people, and we think, Oh, I should be structure? I should have my kids do more chores? Why aren’t my kids helping? You know, we have all these things that we think are how should household should be but again, take into account that evaluation, well, where are we at? And then what is the balance feel like? What does balance look like? In my home? So if we’re a far off ways from that, that’s okay. And then help yourself to select things that would get you a little bit closer, one step closer. And again, we’re talking about that, that practical stuff, that realistic stuff, you know, you’re working with other people, especially we have to be able to involve them in this whole process. You know, show them this is what we’re getting right? Like, every morning we wake up our house is a disaster from the day before. Is this balanced for us? Is this what we want it to be like, and how to involve them in the process, even with my kids, right? So my oldest are eight and 10. And so all the time I’ll do this, I’ll ask them questions like let’s look at your room. Is this what you want it to be like? And then if not, how can we get there? How can you know? What’s the plan for this week to get a little closer to where you want to be? And their ideas are awesome. They’re way better than my ideas. And again, I’m staying away from that nagging right, I’m involving them in the process here. And then I think, again, going back to being yourself, we know what kind of a home and what kind of an atmosphere Are you trying to create. And when I did my undergrad at home and family living, which just sounds like home economics, but it’s really about the relationships that we have, and the family and the home that we’re building. And so when it comes down to it, it’s like, what do you want to build? What are you building with your family? And and what are those lines of communications that you’re opening up to your kids? What kind of vocabulary you’re teaching them, so that they can do this kind of process in the moment when they’re not feeling so hot? So I don’t know if that answers your question. Exactly, but opening up to, you know, being able to say, what do we want to aim for? Where do we want to go? And how do we get there? And then also teaching them the vocabulary? You know, one of my favorite things with my kids, my four year old, he probably knows emotional vocabulary better than most people? Because I’ve taught him what that means, right? We talk about what is sadness mean? What does it mean to be sad? What does it mean to feel disappointed? What does it mean to feel angry? And so when he comes to me upset, that’s the first thing we do. I say, What are you feeling? What are you feeling right now? And then he’ll use one of those words, because we’ve talked about it, he knows what those mean? And then I’ll ask him, where do you feel that in your body, and he’ll just point, you know, point to his chest or to his stomach? And then we just let him feel that it’s okay to feel that right. It’s okay to feel feelings. It’s not okay to be unkind. That’s one of the big things that we say in our house, right? So if he’s being unkind, that’s totally different. But if he’s just feeling a feeling, then I walk him through what that feels like and give him the space. So we’re talking about creating space for yourself. Same thing in your homework, we’re creating that space for your kids to feel like they can have their feelings and emotions to
Real Happy Mom 22:09
Yes, yes, I’m loving all of this, because you brought up a couple of things. Because literally right before I got on to talk to you, I was just over here fussing at my kids, because they keep taking stuff out of their rooms and like putting their toys everywhere. And I’m like, come on, people help me. And so I had asked my son because I saw a rapper on the floor because he’s famous for eating his snacks and leaving wrappers. So I was like saying, Can you come in put this wrapper away? Cuz I think you left it. He was like, No, I don’t want to and I’m like, why not? And he’s like, because it’s not mine. I’m like, Well, right now, I don’t care if I need you to pick this up and put it in the trash, because I’m constantly cleaning up after you guys. But I know if I probably would have sat down and had a different type of conversation, maybe we we could work together. And I won’t be that nagging mom trying to get everyone to clean up or feeling like I have to do everything myself. Because I think that’s another feeling that a lot of moms have is like, Oh, I have to do everything. I have to clean up the house by myself. But really, like, there’s other people in here, there’s three other individuals, I can help me. And I don’t have to do it by myself. So I love how you you frame that. And as far as what do we want our house to look like? Because that’s a good question. I’m really curious to hear what my kids are gonna say when it comes to them. And they they think what they think is cool is not when I think is cool. So you’re gonna have to help me with that with me.
Yeah, and it’s true. Like, we kind of create an expectation as moms. And then we expect everyone to uphold that expectation, right. But like, we’re the only one on board. And so we feel like we’re the only one working at it. Because we are, you know, so creating that, that end goal altogether and saying like, well, what is our, you know, what’s our standard look like? What does it feel like? What is our morning? What’s our morning routine look like? Whatever it is? What does our dinner time look like, you know, going over the details of each of these things, and don’t do it all at once. Because that’s so overwhelming for everyone. But just take one small thing at you know, like even that weekly planner, you can do that with as a whole family. So meet together one day a week at the beginning of the week, and talk as a whole about what’s working, what’s not working, and what can we change this week? And when can we do that to create that end goal. But yes, if we create that expectations in our own mind, then like nobody else knows it, and nobody else cares, right. But if we talk about it as a whole as a family, then we can help to kind of close that gap.
Real Happy Mom 24:33
Absolutely. And I definitely think I can do it now Whitney, so thank you. You got this. They got this. You guys got this. Awesome, awesome. Well, Whitney, you shared a lot with us and helped me out tremendously. And I’m sure anyone that’s listening is it’s gotten some golden nuggets from you here too. So I would love for you to just share either a word of encouragement or some motivation for us Real Happy Mom. So before we signed off
sure Yeah, and I don’t mean to sound cliche, but again, I just say, you know, be yourself and being yourself is a huge indicator of if you’re in balance or not. If you feel like you’re not yourself, if you’re feel like you are just feeling off in whatever way, then that’s such a good time to like, take evaluation and see what’s going on. And like I said, you know, all this info can be done for anyone at any time, you don’t have to be at that extreme overwhelm in order to take a look at things. And so be yourself and be intentional. And when you do that, you get to show up as your genuine, authentic self. Awesome, awesome. Love it.
Real Happy Mom 25:37
Now what if we want to get in touch with you learn more about you get some of your wonderful goodness that you have out there? Whether it be courses, programs, whatever it is that you have, where can we find you online?
Sure. So with me being calm, and I do one on one sessions, and I also do a 12 week reboot course, which is so fun, because we get to really dive deep and check in once a week, we get to check in and see where things are out. So I do that planning with you once a week. And then I also have a restoring balance offer that I’m offering for free. And that’s something that I’ll give you the link for for the show notes. But it’s just a little mini course to help you kind of rebalance and see where you’re at. And then I also have a podcast called a tad bit crunchy. And you can find me on Instagram at a tad bit crunchy also.
Real Happy Mom 26:28
Awesome. Awesome. I’ll make sure to include all of those links in the show notes. Whitney, this has been so awesome. Thank you so much for coming on. And this has been really really good.
This is so fun. Thank you for having me. It’s really My pleasure.
Real Happy Mom 26:41
Now that does it for this episode of the Real Happy Mom podcast to find the links in show notes head over to Real Happy Mom comm slash one of five zero. and there you’ll find the Cliff’s notes version of this episode as well as a couple of links that can help you out and do me a favor. If you found this podcast episode helpful. Leave me a five star rating and review here in Apple podcasts. If you’re like Tony and I don’t listen to your podcast on Apple podcast, that is totally fine too. You can help me out as well by taking a screenshot of you listening to this podcast episode and putting it in your Insta stories or your Facebook story so we can get the message out to other moms that this is a great podcast to listen to. Now that’s it for this week. Make sure you stay tuned in for next week for another full episode. I’ll be back again with another episode. Now take care and bye for now.