Rise Above the Doubt: Strategies for Slaying Your Self-Doubt Dragons

Motherhood is a beautiful journey filled with immeasurable love and joy, but let’s face it: it can also bring its fair share of self-doubt. From questioning our parenting decisions to comparing ourselves to others, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and unsure of ourselves. But today, we’re here to remind all the incredible moms out there that they are powerful, capable, and more than enough.

 In this episode, we’re going to explore the various aspects of self-doubt that moms commonly face and provide practical strategies to slay that doubt once and for all. We’ll hear personal stories from brave moms who have conquered their own self-doubt, and they’ll share their wisdom and experiences with us.

Our expert guest, Katherine Wintsch, will provide valuable insights and tools to help moms overcome self-doubt. Together, we’ll explore how self-doubt can affect our mental well-being, relationships, and overall happiness, and discover ways to reclaim our confidence and embrace our unique journey as mothers.

It’s time to silence the negative voices, banish the imposter syndrome, and rise above the self-doubt that holds us back. Are you ready to reclaim your power, moms? Let’s dive in and discover the warriors within us all.

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Registration is officially OPEN for the Purpose Driven Mom Summit!

This summit was created to help you nail your routines and create a summer schedule that works for you as a busy WAHM!

We’ve got 26 incredible speakers with topics ranging from How to Create a Space to Work to How to Confidently Talk About Your Business in a Way That Converts to Growing Your Business & Your Marriage and more!

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About Katherine

Katherine Wintsch is the founder and CEO of The Mom Complex where she helps some of the largest companies in the world such as Walmart, Johnson & Johnson, Pinterest and Chobani develop better products and services for mothers.   She is also author of the popular book Slay Like a Mother – which Parade magazine recently named one of the “top 10 life-changing self-help books of the year.”   Katherine’s sought-after research on women and mothers has been featured by The Today Show, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal and Working Mother magazine.   But don’t let all the accolades fool you. She’s also been through years of therapy, decades of self-doubt and more than her fair share of tequila. Thankfully, she tamed her “dragon of self-doubt” and now she’s helping other women do the same.

Connect with Katherine

Website: http://slaylikeamother.com
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/SlayLikeaMother/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/slaylikeamother/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/kwintsch
Where to get the book, “Slay Like a Mother”: https://katherinewintschblog.com

Links Mentioned in This Episode

• Where to get the book, “Slay Like a Mother”: https://katherinewintschblog.com

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Transcript of this Episode

Toni-Ann Mayembe
You read all the books, listen to the podcasts, but you still feel like you’re struggling with this new adventure, then those voices start to pop up and start to tell you how bad you are, and how you should just give up. And pretty soon you start to give into those voices. And that’s how the dragons of self doubt start to take over. Now, let’s face it, we’ve all been there, we’ve faced self doubt, from questioning parenting decisions to comparing ourselves to others. It’s easy to get overwhelmed and be unsure about ourselves. But today, I’m here to remind you that you are powerful, capable, and more than enough. Hey there, I’m Toni-Ann, a mom, wife, full time dentist and the host of real happy mom. And fun fact about me is I didn’t learn how to swim until my late 20s. When I joined the Navy. The real happy mom podcast is here for busy working moms that want to improve their time management and productivity so that they can achieve their big goals without pulling their hair out. And in this episode, we’re going to explore the dragons of self doubt, that are preventing moms from reaching those big goals. My guest is Katherine, and she will provide some valuable insight and tools to help us to overcome self doubt. Now it’s time to silence those negative voices banish the imposter syndrome and rise above the self doubt that holds us back. It’s time to slay some dragons. Registration is officially open for the purpose driven moms Summit. And we’ve got some topics that are going to really help you this summer. This year’s summit we’ve got a wide variety of topics ranging from what to do when your patience is running thin, and you can’t wait for your kids go back to school, to accomplishing your big goals, and creating systems and routines to get there. Now the summit kicks off on June 19. And there’ll be five days packed full of really great information that you’re going to help you to really take things up a notch in your mom life. So make sure you head over to Real happy mom.com/summit 2023 to get registered for this free virtual Summit. I can’t wait to see you in there.

Katherine Wintsch
My name is Katherine winch. I am the founder and CEO of a company called the mom complex and we serve fortune 500 companies, we help them come up with better products and services for mothers. I am also the author of a book called slay like a mother which is a self help personal empowerment book. And in that case, I’m serving women all around the world who are filled with self doubt. And it’s just a real passion of mine and I am a wife and mother to two teenagers.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
You talk about self doubt, but you actually refer to self doubt as Dragon. So I just wanted to start off by why dragons

Speaker 2
when I was thinking about self doubt, in my own experience was self doubt. It felt a little bit weepy like oh, it was filled with self doubt. And then I learned to love myself. And so I wanted to come up with a metaphor that would be more heroic, you know, and I wanted, when I was writing this book, I wanted a book and a title that women would be proud to carry around and that after they slayed their self doubt, and they learned to love themselves that it would be Yeah, victorious was kind of the word that I was going for it. And I think it’s it’s a neat metaphor that I carry throughout the book, which also just makes it a little interesting because sometimes self help books can be a little dry, you know, when you want to work on yourself. So I think the metaphor kind of keeps it interesting too.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
Absolutely. Because I know when I saw the book title, slay like a mother, I was like, oh, yeah, like, this is definitely my agenda. It makes me feel like I was somebody big and tough and take down anything. So I love the dragon metaphor. And I love that you are talking about slaying those dragons. But before we even talk about slaying them, I want to start with the beginning like how are these dragons born? How is self doubt born?

Speaker 2
According to my research with women 75% of the time your self doubt is born during or before adolescence. So it’s very common that something happens when you’re a teenager or younger. That just kind of alters your self esteem. And I usually say that, you know, dragons and self doubt can be born from trauma with a capital T of abuse and neglect and sexual assault and horrific life altering events. Or it can also be brought on by trauma with a lowercase t somebody called you fat or somebody said you weren’t smart enough or you didn’t get accepted in some way and it really stuck to you and So, if that goes on addressed, then it just kind of builds over time and the dragon becomes bigger and stronger. So in my case, my dragon was born from 15. And I lived with it till I was 35. So 20 years of, even though I had a lot of external success, the trappings of success in my life on the outside, I always felt pretty hollow and empty on the inside. And I sourced my self esteem from the outside world because I didn’t have it inside of me. And so that’s what just happens when we’re not aware of this dragon. It just runs our life in my case, caused me to be a people pleasing perfectionist, again, as a way to kind of siphon my self esteem from the outside world. But I am living proof that dragons can be slayed.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
Just you sharing your example, it just got me thinking, because I know a lot of times, we want to think well, like, oh, well, you know, it’s not that bad. Like, you know, my dragons are like little dragons. But I still feel like those dragons can definitely grow into bigger ones would you say,

Speaker 2
they definitely can grow into bigger ones, and they definitely pop up when you’re new at something. So if you just got a new job, or maybe you’re getting married, or maybe you’re getting divorced, or maybe you’re becoming a stepmother, or maybe you’re dealing with breast cancer, like, when we’re new, you just moved towns, whatever, like when we’re new at things, that’s when our self doubt, can really be quite ferocious, because the people around you are better at things, you know, then you are in these certain aspects of your life. But that’s the time when when you have to give yourself grace. And so always keep track of you know, what’s, what are three things that are new to you, and this season of your life? You know, and those are the three areas again, all the examples I just shared, there’s many, many more. But in those three areas, that’s where you need to give yourself grace. So that when you make your unit when you make mistakes, mistakes that’s expected, or when you know, you don’t have all the answers, or you’re slower to pick up on stuff. But we often take on new ventures in our life, and we expect to be good at them from the beginning, which is just a recipe for disaster.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
What would you say? Having those dragons in the day to day? What does that look like? If we’re not able to actually Slay those and get it under control? How does it those dragons show up?

Speaker 2
Yeah, a lot of times the dragon shows up the way you can tell you know, in your life is just over committed to everything, you’re just saying yes to everything, you’re saying yes to everything at work everything in your community, everything in your family. And you’re just giving all your time away, and saving none of it for yourself. And I believe that when you do that, it means that you believe that other people deserve your time more than you do. And the reason you believe that is because you don’t think you’re worthy of it, you’re not worthy of rest, you’re not worthy of relaxation, because you always have to be proving yourself. And so that’s just a, you know, an indication that there’s a dragon a self doubt it can show up another way is if you wear a mask, you know, metaphorically, but wearing a mask and saying everything is fine when everything is not fine is another sign that you have a dragon of self doubt. And you can tell you’re wearing a mask if you answer questions twice, once in your mind, and then once out loud. So let’s say you have two young kids who just got back from the beach, and it was exhausting and overwhelming. And somebody says, you know, hey, Tori, and how was vacation? You go Oh, in your mind you go it absolutely sucked young kids and the beach. It’s terrific. I’m exhausted. But out loud. You say oh, it was great. We had a nice time, you know, and and that’s an indication that you have a dragon of self doubt because that in that moment, what you’re saying is that you value what somebody else thinks of you more than you value the truth more than you value your truth. And so those are some ways it kind of shows up.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
Yes, I totally agree with that. Now I wanted to talk about the book slay like a mother. What can we expect when we read this but

Speaker 2
slay like a mother is it’ll take you on a journey and help you identify and understand when and how your own dragon of self doubt was born. And then the the crux of the book is seven ways that your feet You mean your dragon and how you can stop doing that. And then the last part of the book is, is really fantastic. And it’s just the ripple effect that happens after you slay your dragon of self doubt and the other people you can help and love and support, and then how you can teach your children how to be dragon slayers.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
I did see that you have the slay like a mother workbook. Now, would you recommend using the workbook along with the book or something separate?

Speaker 2
Yeah, definitely. So honestly, like a mother.com, there is a PDF that you can download. And that’s really just for people that want to have this information in the exercises, you know, in a place outside of the book. So there’s lines and places to write in the book, there’s some kind of workbook exercises within the book. But some people like to have it written out somewhere that they can have it more handy, you know, like when you’re really doing all this hard work and homework on yourself. So it’s just kind of a backup, or like a supporting piece.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
I was going through the workbook, and just to get you excited, because I know you’re listening like, oh, I want to check it out. Yes, you definitely want to check out this workbook. Because even on just like one of the pages, I saw how you were saying setting more realistic expectations. And I was like, Well, hey, like, that’s definitely something that I know that I could use some help with. And then just having the lines to just like kind of journal it out and write things out. I’m really liking all of the prompts and things that you’re helping with, with just yeah, getting back to saying yes to yourself and slaying those dragons that you’re talking about.

Speaker 2
Yeah, absolutely. And this type of book is the type of book when I was going through my own self help journey that, that I really enjoyed writing in the book, you know, there’s some tough questions and slay like a mother and really taking the time to answer them and, and psychologically seeing them in your own handwriting, the answer to the questions of how you feel about yourself, or what your expectations are for yourself, can really be a catalyst for you to make change, because it makes it undeniable and it really helped me and when I was writing this book, I really wanted to make sure to, to physically leave the space to let women really process this work.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
Are you talking about some tough questions? Because I feel like a lot of times those tough questions are really simple, but we don’t like some of the answers that come along with them. But I’m just wondering, is there one question in particular that you’ve noticed, that is one that you would probably categorize as some of the one of the tough questions that have you noticed that a lot of moms have a hard time with?

Speaker 2
Yes, definitely. So one great question to ponder is, what is the last terrible thing that you said to yourself?

Toni-Ann Mayembe
Oh, yeah, that wouldn’t have.

Speaker 2
Yeah. And, and I invite anybody who’s listening to like, literally, like, take a beat. And and think about it. And you know, a lot of women don’t even have to go back to yesterday to think of, you know, something terrible that they said to themselves, and if you go to sleep, like a mother.com, on the homepage, there’s a really big video, and it’s just women reading out loud. The last terrible thing that they said to themselves, and it is brutal.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
And I think it’s so crazy how we’re, we can say some really, really not nice things to ourselves, but we would never say those things to our kids, maybe to our spouses that are no, no, we wouldn’t say to them, we wouldn’t say it’s our best friends, but we would say it’s alright. So

Speaker 2
yeah, absolutely. I mean that we would never speak to another human being the way we speak to ourselves. And if you think about if you took the end, the negative voice in your head out of your head turns into a person. And that person followed you around all day every day and said to you what you say to yourself, I mean, you know, you you wouldn’t even make it to lunchtime. I mean, it would be so debilitating if somebody said anything said these things to you, but yet we say it to ourselves all day, every day and don’t think anything of it.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
You know what, Katherine? I was thinking I would probably drop kick that person. I would let him follow me or she around.

Unknown Speaker
Back in bed.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
I’m like, listen, like we gotta stop. Like, we can’t do this. Like you got to go.

Speaker 2
You’re gonna be a great dragon slayer. Oh, yes,

Toni-Ann Mayembe
yes, I’m ready for it, Catherine and I love that you have the book because I think this is gonna make it. Not necessarily easier, but I’m gonna make it so that I can get through the journey a lot quicker than if I did it by myself.

Speaker 2
Definitely. And you’ll also realize that you’re not alone. I mean, I Hear research from women from 17 different countries around the world. And so it’s so universal. So a lot of what delays women in their slang that their self doubt is they think that they’re the only one that feels that way. And they think everybody else is, you know, so buttoned up on the outside and the inside, and they feel great about themselves. But you know, everybody’s pretty broken.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
And I’m learning that now. Just because I know a lot of the people that I really looked up to, and that were just so tough and nothing could ever bother them, I realized that it’s not so true. Yeah, they’re probably a little tougher than me. But they still have things that bother me. And so I’m so glad that you shared all of this with us. And I cannot wait for everybody to get their hands on the book. And if you don’t get the book, definitely get the workbook and start working through some of those questions, because I know it’s gonna help really start slaying those dragons. So, Katherine, thank you so much for coming in and sharing all this. But before we go, I wanted to make sure I left the floor open for you if there was anything else that you wanted to share, whether it be any other encouragement or anything that you felt like, oh, yeah, I want to make sure the ladies listening to this get this.

Speaker 2
Yeah, I Well, I would encourage anybody listening to go to a site like a mother.com and sign up for our newsletter. And every two weeks, we send out words of encouragement, blog posts, podcast interviews will certainly be including this one. And it can just be that, that uplift that you need. Because the one thing that you know, I hope you can take away from all of this is that you have to solve this problem for yourself. You know, you’re the only one that knows how you feel about yourself. You’re the only one that can fix this, your partner can’t do it for you, your children, your parents, you know anybody excetera but the point is that you have to do it, but you can do it and it is doable, and people are conquering this and doing this. So anyway, I hope the newsletter helps. I hope this helps and happy slain.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
Yes, yes. Now, you mentioned the website, that we can definitely learn more about you and get on the email list so that we can get the encouragement that you’re talking about there. But is there anywhere else that we can get in touch with you stay connected with you online?

Speaker 2
Instagram, I think is always great. So say like a mother on Instagram and Facebook is a great way to stay in touch.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
Perfect, perfect. And I’ll make sure to include those links in the show notes. Again, Catherine, thank you so much for coming on the podcast.

Unknown Speaker
Thanks for having me.

Toni-Ann Mayembe
Now that does it for this episode of The Real happy mom podcast. Make sure you head over to Real happy mom.com/ 208 to get all of the links that were mentioned in this episode. And make sure you stay tuned for next week for another full episode. Take care and with lots of love